Hi girls,
I haven't been on for a while, for a variety of reasons, mainly that I've staying at my mums house.
Chris and I are going through a horrible stage and I'm really at a loss :(
It's a long story and I'm too emotional to go through every detail so here is the short version:-
Out with friends at the pub, I was drunk, Chris wasn't and hadn't drank that much, then all of sudden he was all over the place, falling over, slurring his words, saying inappropiate things etc (just like a reaaaaaly drunk person). At the time I just thought he haqd drank too much, but the next day I realised he had very little to drink.
Anyway got home, his friend came back to ours, Chris was being sick, and lying on the floor, his friend was looking after him. All fine so far.
So his friend put Chris onto my bed, which was absolutley fine but he was in the middle of the bed, on top of the covers, so I coudn't even get under the duvet. So I kept nudging him and asking to get under the blankets (I was being annoying in trying to get him to move) and he was just floating in and out of being asleep and being awake. This went on for about 10 minutes until Chirs lashed out at me with his fist. He hit my tummy and then I put my hand up and he hit it. He had his eyes closed throughout, and seemed as though he was asleep and unaware of what he was doing. I then freaked out, as this is the first time he has ever shown a violent tendancy, ever. He then got onto the floor and was wretching like a cat with a hair ball, and rolling around sobbing at the top of his voice shouting 'what's going on?'. Proper freaking out. I told him to phone a taxi and go stay at his mums, I handed him his phone and said it's dialing the taxi company now (and this is the bit that gets me the most) he took the phone, had a perfectly composed conversation with the taxi peson, gave directions the lot. As soon as he hung up back to rolling around wailing. The taxi didn't turn up, so I put hin to bed in the spare room. He slept for 14 hours and when he got up he looked like death warmed up. He came into my room and said I think my drink was spiked, I don't remeber a thing after 11 o'clock (which was when I saw him and though he was super drunk). I then told him everything that had happened and he cried when I told him he hit me.
I took my ring off and gave him it. I feel like I have no idea who he is anymore. How can you know someone for so long and all of a sudden see this other person. Anyone who I have told (best friend etc) said they think he was def spiked as it is just so out of charcter but I don't know. I would have been convinced he was had it not been for phone call to the taxi people. Now I think the spiked story is just a cover up to try and justify. This happened two weeks ago and my daughter and I have been staying at my mums and just seing him during the day. I really love him and he has said everything he should (sorry, he will take anger managment, not drink etc) but I just can't get over it.

I'm sorry this is super long and I don't know what I want to hear in response but I just need to share.
And now I've got the cold and feel like death :(
Cr*p times

i would have been more inclined to call him an ambulence if Mr lala had been like that rather than a taxi

babe dont try to read more into it than it was ......i have had massive bruises from mr lala where he kicked me while playing rugby in his sleep

i think if his drink WAS spiked then he was not in control of his actions including hitting you.
hes never done it before like you say.
could his drink have been spiked? is there any chance he would take anything voluntarily and had a bad trip and is saying now his drink was spiked? x

my dad was spiked year ago and his friend of 40 years was with him. he has never ever seen him like that before. it was as if he was absolutely wrecked and he was really violent.

i was out a few years ago and mixed new pills with drink when i shouldn't have and i was starting fights with bouncers, collapsed on the ground, couldn't speak. an ambulance was called and asked me my name, vdate of birth, address etc and i sat up and told them perfectly. then i collapsed back on the ambulance floor

i've got no memory of this

if it was completely out of character i would say it's probably due to being spiked xxx

Was anyone with him whilst you were drunk - that can maybe piece the bits together you can't. My concern would be if he was drunk this could happen again. If it were spiked it's much less of an issue as he'd be seriously unlucky for it to happen again. Has he ever taken drugs before?

difficult situation hun... but guessing if his drink was really spiked that it was out of hand... and I think like it sounds it would of been better the doctor at the time... and guessing the way it sounds he would not have done it normally... if u love him give it a chance especially if he says he is going to do anything to have it never happen again...

I know lala, it's just I grew up with my mum and dad seperated, and seing my mum in violent relationships and it's something I swore I would never let my daughter experience. I'm just so frightened of making the same mistakes :(
When I told my other friend about it she said 'well not to scare you but that's how it started with my ex-fiance, it started to happen more frequently and more intesnly until he actually took a knife to my throat'! And that really freaked me out.
The thing is, when I thought about it the next day, there were two guys, who started on Chris' friend, Chris just told them to go away, and then one of them stood behind Chris, and I remeber thinking why he is standing so close to Chris, right up behind him, and he said to his friend lets just go. Chris had a drink sitting beside him when it happened so it is possible. It was just the conversation with the taxi people that confuses me, if that hadn't happened I would totally believe he had been spiked.
The reason I didn't phone an ambulance was becuase I thought he was just drunk, it's not the first time he has been sick from drinking and I just assumed this was why. At no stage did it even cross my mind at the time that he may have been spiked, not at all. But I didn't know if he was putting it on after the normal phone call, I just don't understand if he was spiked how he can go from wailing and rolling around to having a perfectly normal conversatons, not slurring, speaking perfectly fine, and more so gave perfect directions to my house as it is hard to find. I have been really drunk in the past and there would be no way I could have done that :/

Gosh MrsC you were so lucky to get away :(
It's such a scary thing.
I honestly thought my wrist was broken, he hit me 5 times, full strength punches. It was actually lucky that I took my ring off as my had hand doubled in size by the next morning, so I might have had to get my ring cut off :(
It's just all such a mess. And has been the hardest time in my life, I just want to turn to him to be comforted.
If he was spiked though it doesn't excuse his behavious, not in my eyes anyway. If I got my drink spiked and hurt somebody, it would still be my fault. If he was not spiked and was just drunk then that would is it worth risking it and staying with somebody and worrying when the next time was going to happen.

I've read through all of this and I understand you're in a difficult situation but I really only have one thing to say - are you willing to throw your future with the man you love away because he MIGHT have known what he was doing?
I know that its difficult, but if it were me I'd be unable to think the worst, if its completely out of character and he was so upset about it that he cried, then I'd imagine that he genuinely didn't know what he was doing.
Just think about it before you throw it all away xxx

If you got your drink spiked and hurt someone it would be your fault? That whole concept confuses me and shouts of someone who has never expereinced anything like that!
This is not something that can be compared to being drunk...... its not even close! It is a scary feeling of complete loss of control and memory, it is a violation!
The guilt that guy must be feeling is imaginable.

Playing devils advocate..... you are on a break because of the way he has behaved and the way you feel about it. I am very sorry and i dont want to cause upset and you have clearly been through a lot, But it rather appears that you have been very quick to think the worst of him rather than giving him the benefit of the doubt. You seem to be very quick to blame him for his actions and think very much about the past, and risks etc..... So perhaps for both of you a break is needed as theres seems to be an underlying trust issue which goes deeper than recent events.... its almost as if you are determined to hold recent events against him.

I was with a man who got drunk, who got aggressive and who slept around, he hit me when drunk and when sober he didnt apologise for any of it, he blamed the drink and used it like an excuse. He sure as hell never cried and felt guilty for his actions.

I think you should talk to him in a more open way, ask your mum to watch your daughter for you and really have a chat about his temper etc - you'll know for sure whether it's a problem or if it was just a circumstantial occurrence.

It sounds like he was spiked hunni.
I understand that it is scary to have been hit by your partner and you would be wary of his actions in the future but you still have to take into consideration that he was spiked.
I would have called an ambulance if he was wretching like you say.
You need to talk to him and well maybe agree to him taking the anger management he says he will take,
He is willing to do it even though he believes he was spiked which means he loves you and wants to be with you.
xxx

def agree spiked!!! have been myself... and looking at it from his point of view coz ive been there he may need support not judgement he probably feels guilt for something he had no contrl over and it may be potentially costing him his relationship. Some people need counselling after being spiked as people have actually been victimised and it IS assult.
Hope you can maybe think about how he would have reacted if it were your drink that were spiked and you behaved the same. Afterall marriage is about understanding and unity. (among other things)
Hope this is a temporary blip in your future happiness xxx

Yes Blond I did say all those things and they are all true, but there is still a chance that he hadn't been spiked, and did know what he was doing. Yes I can totally see that it doesn't seem likely, but unfortuatley I will never know.
And of course they are worth considering, if it wasn't for these facts I would have walked away completley, no break, just splitting up. I am listening to my heart of course, but as I said at the moment, two weeks after it happened I'm not willing to forget. It's still to raw. Becuase I love him so much I think the best thing for me would be to just take things slowly with him. I guess if we are to stay together, the trust will just have to be built back up. And the only of doing that is through time. Ijust hope that I can trust him again, hopefully

roxy i think you should do a bit of research into the affects of being spiked. to say it was his fault he raised his hand even if he was spiked is wrong.

there is no way he can prove he was spiked, but even if he had that proof, you are still saying it's not an excuse

I've just read all of this.. And you keep saying over again theres a chance he wasn't spiked and just drunk yet your contradicting yourself by saying he wasn't drunk..!! That seems like he was spiked to me and I feel sorry for him as his probably feeling really shit right now that he done that to you.. How long have you been with him?? As you say this is the first time his EVER done anything of this nature so to me I would say he was spiked.

But hugs to you know as I know your minds probably confused right now xx

I think like cazzy said, try and imagine how you would feel if someone put drugs into your drink without you knowing and you behaved in a way you had no control over and hurt him.... would he judge you for it and hold it against you?
You are saying he might not have been spiked, so not trusting his word in what is actually a very sensitive damaging topic, you are saying even if he was spiked thats no excuse..... i feel really sorry for this guy.

Maybe you're right to have a break - but not because of what he's done. By the sounds of it, his drink was spiked and what he did was out of his control. To have a successful relationship, and marriage, involves supporting one another and having trust amongst other things. From what you have said here it sounds like the trust part is definitely not there on your side anyway. You've also mentioned other peoples' relationships and your past experiences with these, and tbh it seems like your basing this situation on other peoples' bad experiences. Everyone is different and just because something happened to a family member or friend in their relationship doesn't mean it's going to happen to you.

A drink being spiked is not a common occurrence and if you think rationally you know it isn't going to happen every week, or even every time you go out for a drink in fact - but you still seem to be questioning your h2b's motives etc. I might be speaking out of turn here - but it seems like there were probably some doubts from you about your relationship/h2b and this has brought them to the forefront and given you an excuse for a break..??

Maybe I'm wrong - but I would definitely think long and hard about your wedding if you have this many doubts. And not because I think your h2b is guilty in any way - but it isn't fair on both sides to have doubts and still get married. You'll only finish up regretting it later on, and your h2b has gone through enough - if what I said above is true in any way then surely he should be with somebody who will trust and support him 100%

Sorry if you take offence to any of this, but just my opinion....

im sorry you are going through all this at the moment.

i have also had my drink spiked and it was so horrible.
one minute i was walking normal the next i was outside a pub and fell head first into a wall. i do remember it but it felt like i was watching someone else and it wasnt happening to me.

he wouldnt have had any control over what he did. i think he really is sorry as he cried when you told him. i agree with some others that maybe your not sure of the relationship and wanted a reason to think about it and this was it? i dont want to upset you when i say this so sorry if i do.

i think everyone questions their relatiionship when planning their wedding. i know i did! i think taking a few weeks apart is prob a good idea for you to think what is best for you and your daughter.

It may make you both realise that you are meant to be or do the total opposite.

what ever happens we are here if you want to talk and want advice. good luck and hope your ok xxx

Oh dear what a mess? I was in an abusive relationship, he used to get drunk and then beat the living daylights out of me, on one occasion he put me in hospital. However it was his choice to drink knowing that he was likely to turn violent so every single one of those attacks was his fault, and I was a total idiot for staying as long as I did. I know what it is like to be hit by someone you love (we were married).
My new partner is amazing. He drinks occasionally and becomes a total twit and I hate it as I dont understand the need to drink until you embarress yourself (and your friends). However I know he would never hit me through drink as it is not in his personality. But I cannot say whether his personality would alter under the influence of an illegal drug as he has never taken one and would never knowingly take one. These drugs are known as MIND ALTERING drugs for a reason, and cause total feelings of panic, fear and paranoia. You admit yourself you were being annoying to get him to move when he lashed out. When feeling that scared and out of control he probably thought he was under attack and reacted in self defence! If on a night out my partners personality altered to that degree that he became totally out of character and did something nasty I would automaticaly think that he had been drugged as I know how he behaves on drink, and how much drink it takes for him to become ill. The first thing I would have done is to offer him some comfort and then I would have called an ambulance, people can die from having their drinks spiked. The next day once he was back to himself and recovering from his ordeal I would have been there as his friend, partner and the one who loves him to help him talk through HIS ordeal and to help him get over what HE had been put through. Only then would we have talked through how scared and upset I was by what had happened. But I would have reasurred him that I know he did not set out to deliberately hurt me and that I know he would never hurt me when in control of his own actions/mind. I would never dream of punishing or blaming him for something that was totally out of his control and for which he is hurting.
I understand you were scared and hurt but in my oppinion you are being extremely unfair on the man you are supposed to love and care for and you are probably hurting him as much as his behavior (of which he had no control) hurt you. I'm sorry if this is harsh but I feel so sorry for your poor partner.

i have read all the posts on here and i agree with blond when i was spiked it was the most terrifying experiance of my life! i lashed out at h2b and my friends who were on the nite out with us (the guy who spiked me was a friend of a friend so was actually with us!) i felt so bad but was not in control of my body and i think that is something you need to keep in mind. If you are going to sort things out whatever conclusion u come to (spiked or not) if u decide to go with he was spiked remember he was not controlling what he was doing, however if u decide not to accept that as a reason you have to make a tough decision. You both need to have an open and frank conversation about everything and where things are going. if u need a chat let me kno if there is any way i can help xxx

Just read all this and am sorry but i don't quite understand your views of this. You have said it was clearly out of character, there seems no doubt he was spiked, he cried when you told him what you he had done and he has said he will do anything to sort it out i.e anger management, not drinking. How long have you been with him? It appears there are far deeper issues than just this occasion and the best thing to do is talk to him about it. People can do things when they are spiked or even sleeping which they are completely unaware of. Not that long ago my H2B gave me a right scare when he bear hug me during his sleep, he squeezed so tight that i could barely move and i had to hit him to get him off! he is normally quite a talker etc during sleep but has never done anything like that.. I got so freaked out and he remembered nothing of this at all in the morning and felt so bad!! I think you need to stop thinking that he was possibly "putting it on" as otherwise you will never see past it. Am sorry i hope i dont sound too harsh. I really hope you's can get through it. x

glad to hear things are looking up for you hun!! x

there will never be anyway of knowing whether he was truly spiked or not but the probability is likely so stick to that :-) My sister actually took me to the hospital because i was still throwing everything up 3 days later and it turns out i was spiked with GHB? basically drain cleaner thats got a few other drugs in :-/ even tho i'd had it proven by a doctor, my friends were still really weary of me and refused to go out drinking with me again for a long time so i can totally understand that you're going to have to rebuild that trust! Glad you're getting it sorted ! (and if you ever found out who spiked him, give them a right good smack in the chops lol) xx