I am getting married in a few months to an indian man from a hindu family. Their culture and traditions are very important to them, and I am fortunate that his family have welcomed me without even having met me, given that I am not a 'traditional' choice for their son. However my parents have now refused to have any part in the wedding, and there are some small things that it is seen as important that the parents do. They have give me no reason other than they dont want to. I am extremely disappointed that they cant give me a few minutes on my wedding day to meet with the traditions of my husband to be's family. They have also insulted my husband to be and his family, whom they have not met, to the point that my fiance has now said he doesn't thin they should be there and he doesnt want his family to meet them. I am now wondering whether to disinvite my parents so that there are no insults on the day and everything runs smoothly. I do not have a close relationship with my parents and am really trying to accommodate hindu traditions because they are important to my new family, and also because this is the first time I will have met my in laws and I a keen to make a good first impression. My first wedding did not go well and I am wanting to be able to look back on this wedding with happy memories. I am also worried, however, that if my parents don't come, that my sisters may also say they are not coming, and one of their daughters is a bridesmaid and the other sister is doing various other things in the ceremony.
Should I disinvite my parents, as I feel I dont want people at our wedding who are clearly so disrespectful to my new family and their traditions, which are now becoming my traditions also.

that's the thing, the bits I have asked them to do aren't religious things, they are cultural and are about the two families coming together and welcoming each other, and also the giving me away bit. I've invited the to come to talk to the hindu priest with me so that he could explain better the significance of these things, but they dont want to know, and I even emailed my mum a like to a few wedding videos online which show the different parts of the ceremony, but again they didnt want to know.

that's what my fiance said, I think in the hope that they would say they wouldnt come, and the my sisters couldnt blame me if they didnt. I think that my parents would come anyway because they wouldnt want anyone to think that they weren't there, but would be making insulting comments through the day. How did it go with the rest of your family, that you told your brother he isn't coming?

And although they may be your new family, you still have a family of your own and if this marriage doesn't work out, God forbid, but if it doesn't, they will still be YOUR family. Also, showing bad face to your own family could be seen as you not respecting your family and intern offend his family which is not what you want to do xx

It broke my mothers heart but she sides with me, it's not about his personal feelings about the color of his skin it's about the joining of 2 families. He makes me happier then I've ever been and I was wresteling with the decision it was my Mother who told me not to invite him, I'll still send him an invite but he is saying he is'nt coming and I know he means it, but when all is said and done, thats his desision. You've found the man that makes you happy and you want to spend the rest of your life with him, if they decide that they don't agree then let that be their condemnation not yours xx

From what you write it sounds like your parents may be upset because it seems as if you are wholeheartedly embracing your h2b's culture while turning your back on your own. This however does not excuse their behavior. Your relationship with your parents isn't actually what concerns me the most about what you've written.

You also say that, "I do not have a close relationship with my parents and am really trying to accommodate hindu traditions because they are important to my new family, and also because this is the first time I will have met my in laws and I a keen to make a good first impression." I think that this may backfire on you, not because of your parents but for your own sanity in the future. You are not Hindi, and you have your own cultural traditions that are important to you. In your attempt to make his family like you, you will be sending the message that I will always do things to make you happy. My question you is what happens when you can't make them happy and actually do things against the wishes of their culture?

Marriage and all happy, healthy relationships are about compromise on both sides. As someone in a 'bi-cultural' relationship I suggest that you work on blending both of your cultures and traditions together. Your own culture has made you who you are. It has made you into the person your h2b loves. There is probably a very good reason he isn't marrying a Hindi girl, so I'm pretty sure he doesn't want you to become one. Please don't hide your own traditions just to make his family like you.

Parents can be funny creatures, some people are lucky and have amazing ones and some are unfortunate and have awe-full ones I'm so sorry yours cant be more supportive and just be there and act happy for just one day, but still, extend the invite as then they can't say hey weren't even invited and have another thing to put their backs up about. And if they don't come, then you know it's them that will regret it and not you xx

..and I think you may be right, I think they do seem to resent the fact that I am learning about hindu culture and because they dont believe in the same things they seem to refuse to understand why I would, but it is a large part of the way my fiance lives, and I cant marry someone and completely accept them into my life, if I dont respect who they are and were they have come from.

it's good to hear other people's thoughts on this, I've been going round and round in circles wondering what to do. At least it is an objective view on here, as opposed to if I speak to family or friends

It's such a shame to read this. Whatever the outcome, I hope you have the wedding day of your dreams... You honestly deserve it! x

how long have you got before your wedding? ( your profile is restricted so we cant nose )

if you can i would sit them down and explain why it is important to you to have them there but also you must give them the chance to voice their objections or views without getting upset

i would leave the invitation open babe ......the minute you say they cant come it will all be your fault