Im new to this forum so go easy on me. My H2B proposed to me last September in Ibiza under the lighthouse in Portinax. He asked my mums permission she aid yes, as my dad isnt around.
We have struggled to find a perfect place to get married as we werent getting any money from anyone and have to use our own wages to pay for a wedding. We agreed to get married next year. Im 25 and he is 26. I had cancer when i was 18 and was told i would have trouble conceiving. So we agreed to get married next year and have a couple of years to ourselves before having a family. As you ladies all know your body clock starts ticking so im concerned the closer i get to 30 the less and less chance i have of providing my H2B children.
Anyway, we settled on thinking of getting a loan then paying for the wedding at a hotel. Then we couldnt afford it and thought we would settle for Italy. This is where the problems started...
When we told my family (my mum, sister, brother and brother in law) we were thinking of Italy the first thing my mum said was "oh ive always wanted to go Italy...oh and of course celebrate your wedding"...so we ignored this. Two weeks later after adding up the total of things we couldnt afford it. I was gutted and i didnt like the thought of getting married in a registry office (nothing wrong with it at all i just didnt picture myself getting married there). So i broke the news to my family, my mum said "oh its ok ill still go Italy anyway"..
So i didnt speak to my mother for a week as i was so upset by her comment. She sent me a text out of the blue saying she was joking etc etc. So i expressed to her how that comment made me feel and i was upset would never have a "fairytale" wedding. I was worried my H2B wanted a perfect wedding and i couldnt provide him with his. I then got horrible messages from my mum saying i was selfish and never went to visit her and i insulted her by not wanting a registry office etc etc. So text were exchanged and i havent heard from her for a month. This resulted in my family deleting me and blocking me from any social network. Apart from my brother who is still friends with my H2B.
Weeks later my in laws noticed we were struggling to afford to get married anywhere and lended us some money. So we now have booked a venue at gretna green next year.
My brother then text me a few weeks later saying "dont let a month turn into a year". I explained to my brother how mum made me feel and he stood by my mum saying i should sort it out. So i text my mum saying i wanted to move on from this and that i loved her. I was faced with a reply that i should confront her on my own and apologise to her, i explained we both said things in the heat of the argument and we should both say sorry. Again she stood by what she said and wouldnt budge so i ended the text conversation saying i want to move on and i love her and miss her. Days later i text all my family members saying i had booked the wedding and if they wished to come to send me their address for invites.So far ive only heard from my brother who wants to go. My H2B then text my brother the same day asking if he wanted to attend his stag do. My brother replied that he wouldnt go unless me and my mum patched things up. Which has left us confused.
On top of this problem my only remaining bride and only person for my party assumes ive invited her son up which i told her in the first instance we dont want any kids. We booked gretna for 10 peOple including her boyfriend. She wanted me to pay for her son to attend which i have replied no because children screaming give me panic attacks, which my bridesmaid son does. So her boyfriend will now be looking after her son for the day...
*breath* Sorry this is so long but i need to put people in the frame so you understand what im going to ask,. The package we have paid for is for 10 people, the ceremony 3 course meal and drinks package. I have a reserve for 4 people which would be my family which would bring the number to 14 in case they changed their mind. I havent heard from my mum or sister or brother in law, also i text my brother today asking if he wanted to come as deposits for the hotel need to be paid by the end of may this year. I still havent heard from him. Im also worried if he doesnt go it will just be me and my bridesmaid walking me down the isle which im nervous about...
We also will be having a party back in Devon 4 days after we get married which again my bridesmaid asked if her son can go which ive said no as if i invite him i would invite the rest of our guests children, there will be 80 guests and no children entertainment. Which she is fine with..
My questions are these: Do i make my one and only bridesmaid "in charge" seeing as my sister isnt talking to me? When we have our "reception with 10 people what ideas do you have for us to do after the meal? Should i get my h2b father to walk me down the isle. Where should i have my hen do, we are planning in dressing up like braveheart but i dont want to have my do in the place i live (Devon)
I feel ike i cant do anymore plans incase my family turn around and wants to go. Its over a year away but i like to plan in advance because of my anxiety. We've already done the invites and are ready to be sent..
Our wedding on 05/05/2015 in Gretna Green.
There is more to this story if you wish to know, but we also have a feeling my mother doesnt like my H2B either...
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Firstly: DO NOT GET A LOAN OR CREDIT CARD out will seriously regret it
Secondly: I understand mums come out with mean comments but just ignore and soldier on
Thirdly: yours and h2bs day- do what you both want- you're only gonna do it once
Fourthly: you have who you want to walk you down the aisle, some brides walk with their groom
Hen: medieval banquet? I did that or mine and was awesome!
Importantly: don't ask who wants to go, you invite who you want and give an RSVP deadline and if they don't reply by then assume they're not going
Bridesmaid: if you only have one then she will take on full role of maid of honour (g00gle her duties)
Planning: have fun with it, do as much as you can in advance, I'm glad I did... I've got three days to go and running like a crazy person as the things I'm doing can only be done the week before...
BEST OF LUCK XXX
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
I love the bullet pointing. Simple. Thank you i was a little unsure of the family and the no children policy but im glad someone has reassured me.
Thank you and good luck for your wedding day! xx
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Bullet points are best, how I did my planning Hun... Seriously, it's your day and if people kick off about no kids etc it's their problem not yours, you're paying enough as it is without having a millions kids running around xxx
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
Yeah she just said they are spending a week in scoland with "spud". I asked her who that was and she said "jayden". So i explained that i didnt want kids. I sort of feel bad as she is now my only bridesmaid but i dont want a 5 year old screaming when we are exchanging vows and i break into a panic attack. It just annoys me that she assumed when she knows damn well i have panic attacks because of kids. So ive got to find someone to replace her boyfriend to attend the wedding. Shes sorted it now so hes going to take jayden out all day whilst my bridesmaid is at the wedding.
We got a letter through today saying the deposit for the rooms for the hotel has to be paid by the 29th May which i told her and shes saying she cant afford it and is staying at a BnB nearby. I was annoyed but ive got over that now. Just concerned that shes not staying at the hotel (which the room is temp reserved until the 29th May unless she pays the £50. The temp reservation is included in the package) that she will have to pay for the meal. Ill contact the hotel tomorrow to confirm this.
Im just worried my family will get back in contact with me (which seems V unlikely at the moment as they have all taken my mums side) and decide to come which will cost us extra to add people on then more money on top to change the package. We arent gonna pay for that, but plans would have to change regards the hen do etc. I do want to make my bridesmaid in charge but just concerned in case my sister gets back in contact with me and she expects to be in charge. Im also worried that my bridesmaid is going to organise something "wild" which im not. DO i have a say with what i want and dont want?
1 - tell your family the rsvp deadline then its up to them. 2 - if they dont rsvp by the deadline, but after that you make up and they want to go, tell them they have to pay for themselves as it has passed the date so will cost. 3 - glad you've sorted out the no kids thing - i am having kids at mine, but i know a lot of people dont like it and would respect your wishes 4 - TELL your bridesmaid you dont want anything too wild, she'll have some idea what to plan then 5 - you pick who you want to walk you down the aisle, or you can even do it on your own! 6 - after your meal at the reception you can always just go to a bar and have an early night with your new hubby (winkwink!) 7 - plan away! like Missweddles said - best to get it done early, im 6 weeks away and so glad ive done a pile before hand so I'm not panicking!
Hope this helps :) xxx
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
Thank you MrsManiatt2B. These replies make me feel less worried even though its over a year away.
Just had an update in the last hour. Was having a laugh with my bridesmaid who is now really my MOH or chief bridesmaid. She suggested dressing up like braveheart and i wanted to go to Cardiff for cocktail making which i think its good for all the people going. She said not to go to Cardiff as us dressing up like Braveheart may offend people. So ive suggested something like Newquay. I googled hen parties and saw a brilliant one in Bournemouth and you do "its a knockout" which looks fun. My bridesmaid then said jokingly" All my leave and wages are gonna end up going on you. Better start doing the lottery" Found out she was going to start planning on something in Torquay which i said i dont wanna go to as thats where i was from and its very rough lately. I want to get away from my hometown. Now im thinking she cant afford alot and i wont be able to have a hen do outside of devon. Should i just have one in Exeter where i live because she cant afford alot or go for what i want? I dont want to be controlling cause im not that at all if anything im a push over.
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
Ive also asked my family for their address to send invites which they havent given me. I know the area they live in but not the number. My brother is in the middle of moving but like i said i havent heard from him since i sent the text 12 hours ago x
CommentAuthorElizabethF49
Id be inclined to say be the bigger person. IF you want your mum and your family to be in your life sometime you just need to apologise and move on
After 7 years and 11 months he proposed to me 18.10.13
Our son is 5 years old and our world
Getting married 15.08.15.
Life hasnt been easy but we have each other :)
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
I just want to move on. I would apologise if she would but shes been a pain in our life since we've been together. She doesnt like him. If i were to apologise i want to meet on neutral territory she wants me to go to her house on my own and do it which im not comfortable with, as i know my sister will be there to back her up and argue with me x
CommentAuthorRachelE118
I won't add to the fab advice but just to say us welsh won't be offended if you turn up as brave heart in Cardiff! Croeso cariad!
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
haha thank you!!
CommentAuthorMrsManiatt
Welsh and live in Cardiff - no one will be offended dont worry!
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
I live in Cardiff too but am English, although someone from my grandmother's side came from the valleys way back. Cardiff sees a lot of hen and stag parties so no one bats an eyelid at anything. Stick to your guns where guests are concerned. Do you have to replace your bridesmaid's boyfriend? I'm not sure what to suggest about your family, I can see why you don't want to go alone. Your brother sounds like the one most inclined to see both sides, would your mum be willing to meet you with just him there? Or what about writing a letter that explains why you are upset and why you didn't mean to upset your mum, without your sister there to argue.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorElinor Claire
Oh, and I think you're right to stick to the one bridesmaid. You should only have someone as a bridesmaid when you can be sure that they are there for you 100%. Your sister will have to realise that it's not an automatic right just because you're a sibling.
30th August 2014 was the best birthday ever.
It was the day that I became Mrs. Dixon.
CommentAuthorCatherineR
You Mum will come back at some point but she has to get down off her high horse first ;) people get funny about weddings and think it's all about them and something they request can't be such a big deal like asking for plus ones etc but it is so just carry on planning, enjoy it and get married! Also lovely to see another Exeter-ian!! :) biggest piece of advice I can say is DON'T GET A CREDIT CARD OR LOAN!!! x
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
I'm not doing bullet points ........
STOP texting and call ..... No matter what how a person feels when they type words is ( most of the time) not how the person receiving the txt reads it.
This has started to get a life of its own and will carry on growing until someone stamps on it.
Im just gonna leave it with my family. Ive tried to meet in the middle and they arent having any of it. I wont phone them because they either wont answer or an argument will start which i will breakdown in tears. Had enough. Maybe give it a few months and see what happens.
No we arent getting a credit card or loan but without my h2bs parents money we couldnt afford to get married. Theyve only given us £1500 which covers us getting married in Gretna Green which is great. The rest of it we will have to pay in drips and rabs, hence organising everything now.
Thanks for the advice everyone x
CommentAuthorrandomacts20
Another question. Sorry! If im not happy with my bridesmaid choice of hen do, like i said before she wanted it in my hometown as she cant afford much, can i take over and do the planning? Or does that make me a control freak? I want to have it in bristol with cocktail making and "its a knockout" so everyone can enjoy it and its not just a piss up. But im worried i have to have it close to home as my bridesmaid has given me a hitn that she cant afford much...
CommentAuthorMrsManiatt
why dont you tell her that that is what you want, then let her organise it? Then she is still in charge but you have picked it xxx
CommentAuthorAmyK
one way to consider is when you plan on having it - if its 10 months away, then if your hens save £20 per month, it soon adds up over the 10 months, so might be more affordable to think of it that way? And yes - it's your hen do, you do what you want. Your BM can have what she wants when she gets married. My BM has done some research for options, based on what I said I would like, then I'm choosing which I like best.
