Hi everyone, I'm new on the forum and would really appreciate some advice. I'm supposed to be getting married in Sept this year. We paid a deposit on our reception venue but after revising the guest list and with all that's happening at the moment cuts wise and banks not lending as much we asked our venue if we could not have the sit down meal as originally booked but have a buffet instead. She went into great detail as to why this wouldn't be a good idea and helpfully gave us tips on how we could save on EVERYTHING else!! But even cutting back on everything else the main bulk of any money we can get is going on the catering! I'm getting to the stage where I'm considering just calling the whole thing off because I don't want to be in that much debt for the next 7years just to feed people for an hour or so! It's taken away all the excitement I felt when we first started planning. What do I do? Do I ask if we can postpone the wedding or look for another venue? :-(
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Check your contract. You may not be able to just cancel it and walk away without having to pay the whole balance of what you agreed to in the contract. Talk to the venue before you do anything hun.
CommentAuthorHayley
If it states in your contract that changes can be made food wise then I would demand then to cater for your requirements - a buffet. It would be a shame to change venue if you don't have too - you obviously picked that venue for a reason! I've been to a few weddings where we've had a buffet instead of a sit down meal and never had any problems. The venue will try and talk you out of it as they would lose money but at the end of the day it's your wedding - if you really don't want to postpone it and are not really fused what you eat then stick to your guns!
If the venue won't budge on food then tell them that you're considering changing venues (only do this if you're not gonna lose most of your money/or have to pay the balance off) if you say this they may change their minds and let you change the food :) xx
CommentAuthormytts
We haven't had a contract! All I've got is the receipt for the deposit we paid.
CommentAuthorLinzie Liverpool.
did u pay much deposit? Try talk em round sayin u may change venue
Then you may be lucky and able to get out of it. You could always point this out to the wedding planner that you haven't signed it yet so therefor are not contracted to have x y z services. It may just be enough to make them worry as usually they tell you all this knowing that they can screw you over with the contract.
CommentAuthorHayley
No contract could definately work to your avantage! Just tell them what you want and if they are not willing to comprimise then tell them you're looking else where for a venue x
CommentAuthormytts
Thanks for the help girls. I did email her but she wanted to put off discussing anything else until their wedding fayre in May, obviously she knows that this isn't going to leave us much time, if any, to get somewhere else. I'd asked if we could have one buffet for the guests at the ceremony and then another for the evening guests, her reply didn't really make it clear whether we could do that or not. Even then I'm not really sure we can do it cost wise! I really am panicing now!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Ring her up and say to her if you haven't got time to deal with me now then I haven't got time for you at all and will take my business elsewhere. In the mean time I will be informing your head office the reasons that they are now no longer going to get anymore money from me. Also let me remind you that as we are not under contract they will not be impressed with your managerial skills as you should have had it sent out as soon as the deposit was given to you.
CommentAuthorEmmaLouise
See this is why some venues annoy me!!!! It's YOUR wedding you should have what YOU want and they should just deal with it!!! They'd probably keep your deposit if you go elsewhere though. I would tell her that you don't want to differentiate between evening guests and day guests as all your guests are special and you want one party not two and if they don't like you will take your business elsewhere and will NOT recommend them. Grrrr. I'm angry for you!
We aren't having a sit down meal for that very reason we are having a hog roast and buffet at £10 a head and will add extras. Bad BAD venue!!! I hope you get it sorted x
CommentAuthorHayley
I'd sort it now - ring her and make sure she either agrees to do a buffet or take your business somewhere else. Problem with you not having a contract is that when it comes to the wedding fair and somebody else enquires about that date then she could give it to them. You need to sort it and get a contract if you decide to go ahead with that venue!
Hope you get sorted soon xx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Although if she doesn't give you what you want I would go elsewhere and not tell them just so that they can't give the day away to someone else. Why should they get the day filled and payed for again when they didn't provide you with a service but took your deposit money?
CommentAuthormytts
Unfortunately XjoX she's not part of a chain, but yes I agree that she should make it clear now not next month. I think another email will be going her way! Can I ask EmmaLouise, what time of day you're getting married? One of the reasons she gave was that if we only had a buffet on the evening, the day guests would all be starving by the time it was served and that they'd be expecting a sit down meal(?) x
CommentAuthormytts
Good idea XjoX haha!!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
What time are you getting married Mytts? We are getting married at 2pm which gives guests time to eat before we get married so they are not going to waste away during that time.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Also I would say that it is up to you not her if your guests are starving or not lol.
CommentAuthormytts
That's what I was thinking! She was saying they'd all be grumpy and drunk by the time we had the food because they'd only have a piece of toast and a cup of tea on the morning of the wedding!! How she knows this I'll never know!! We're getting married at 1.30pm, I did think of seeing if we could get a later time at the church just to get one over on her haha, might still do that actually!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I know if I'm going to a wedding I prepare before hand. You know by the invites what is being served up so if it says buffet then you know to have something before you leave the house. I'm sure your guests are not silly and can read what they are getting and at what time. I've done an order of day and listed what people are having and when so they can work around it.
CommentAuthormytts
Aww thanks XjoX, feel a bit better now about being proactive and telling her what I want not being dictated to by her. If she's not willing to be flexible then we'll just have to re-think the whole thing but better that than get lumbered with a debt I don't want. x
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I don't blame you and I think you are right not to get into debt over your wedding. You can have a perfectly lovely day without breaking the bank. It is your day and she can either bend to what you want or you can find someone else that will give you what you want. Its not like you are tied down to her.
CommentAuthormytts
I can't believe how expensive everything is though! I see people on here doing their whole wedding for a few grand and I'm stumped as to how.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Search £1000 and it will bring up a thread on the girls that have done it and how they have done it. I have to admit I have so much admiration for them as I don't know how they do it either but it is possible.
CommentAuthormytts
Ok. Thanks XjoX
CommentAuthorUnknown
i would phone her and not email her as that puts her on the spot and doesnt give her time to think of a reply!
if you havnt had a contract then i dont see what the problem is. i would say to her that at the wedding fair it is too close to your wedding and you want to get it sorted now so you can be stress free asap and you feel she will be too busy on that day to talk properly as there will be so many people around and she will have so much to do!
even go to the venue to speak to her would be better!
CommentAuthormytts
We did go and speak to her at one point, that was when she told us about people expecting a sit down meal. I think we were a bit bamboozled by her to be honest :-/ she also said something about because we're still in high wedding season that there wouldn't be that many places that would only do buffet's. The more I think about what she said the more I think it's not right! I suppose at the end of the day she's trying to make as much profit as possible and as I said to H2B, it doesn't matter how helpful she is with everything else it's a business to her but it's our money! She doesn't have be in debt for the next god knows how many years!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I'm getting married Sept 17th of this year and we are getting 20% off the prices at our venue because it is in September. It means that we saved a packet over all. I think she is just trying to pressure you into things that you don't want. Shop around and see if you can find something you want so you can go back to her and quote what they can do for you if she won't. At least then you know if she won't accommodate you then you can go with the other venue.
CommentAuthorKatya
edited
mytts sweetheart,
During the summer months (wedding season) most couples choose to have buffets NOT sit down meals. Due to the weather not many people would like to be full of food and would prefer to snack as they choose, take what they think they can handle with the heat and leave the rest for others.
You should ALWAYS get a contract, you dont have to accept the first one drawn up, you can change anything you are not happy with so long as they agree but you MUST do this BEFORE signing any contract. For a bride the contract protects you from losing your deposit in the event of things like having to postpone or even cancel! it also covers you if your guests get food poisoning and choose to sue the venue/caterer, this applies when the caterer deicides its YOUR fault the guest got food poisoning even when they were th ones that cooked it! so a contract will stop them from turning the blame to you.
As for contacting your Wedding Planner/ Coordinator/ Consultant.... you really do need to get this sorted. You should draw up a draft email that you alter each day to say how many times you have now tried contacting her/him. You need to send this email first thing everymorning, lunch time & tea time, then before bed too! Hounding her and filling her inbox with emails is sure to get the situation sorted at the soonest possible time. If they are insistant on seeing you during the wedding fair, then make sure... 1) Speak up - Dont speak quietly- make sure other potentials can hear your greivance 2) insist they speak to you in the open - NOT in the office same reason as above 3) tell them EXACTLY what you want, take a list with you! 4) you do not have a contract - you can change whatever you want until you sign for it! 5) before your meeting create a "site inspection checklist" this is where you rate the cleanliness of everything... a) decor b) toilets (Mens aswell- get h2b to do this) c) kitchens (sneak in claim your looking for the restrooms) d) disabled access if any anything else you can think of , then during your appointment.. if you dont seem to be geting your own way tell them that another thing you are not happy with is... then run off a list... if all else fails take your custom elsewhere.
By not in a chain do you mean that she is not spirit group/greene king/ etc, i worked for a pub that the only way to know was to read the small print on the back of the menus. they were all franchises of spirit group but still part of them but didnt have to advertise them. its the same with things like mcdonalds, one only way to tell its a franchise is if the outside sign and overhead is green then its franchise, if not green then its actually mcdonalds.
My last point to make tonight is.... EVERYONE HAS A SUPERIOR! Even if she is Self-Employed and owns the company herself she WILL have a superior... I am self employed my superior is trading standards! If she is refusing to give you the service that your VERBAL contract states (she is providing you with false information to get herself more money, she has not given you a paper contract which she is liable to provide) then she is liable to refund your deposit so that you may go elsewhere to get the services you require. Contact her superior being trading standards!
Hope this helps huni
Find out who you are & do it on purpose!
CommentAuthorEmmaLouise
Hi honey, sorry it's taken me so long to get back to you. We are going to have our ceremony at around 4 so people will have eaten their lunch and be ready for their tea. I am expecting them all to eat at around 5:30 - 6:00 obviously depends on how long our photographs take but they're all having a piece of cake and a glass of wine after our ceremony so that should keep energy levels going. She sounds like she's just trying to pressure you into keeping things as they are even though it's kicking hell out of your budget.
XjoX - I laughed when I saw your post, evil but how deserved? This is why so many women get stressed about their weddings when it's supposed to be a wonderful experience.
Mytts - it's your wedding hon, my partner and I are thinking of going into wedding planning as everyone keeps telling us we're good at it, and if I was doing your wedding I'd make it as close to what you want as possible, our venue is like that, it's such a shame that people just see it as a money making venture instead of a day of love being expressed by individuals becoming married couples. It winds me up!
I hope it all works out for you xxx
CommentAuthorkrazykitty
hey hun i hope you get everything worked out xx i hope you managed to speak to her aswell as she isnt being very proffessional telling you that your guests will starve if you dont feed them a sit down meal and that they will expect it!! so what if they do it is YOUR wedding not theirs and they will have a good time no matter what they eat!! xxx good luck though xxx
i cannot wait to marry my best friend
i love you ry!!!
engaged midnight 2009
Mrs Ryan Sheader (to be) lol :D
CommentAuthormytts
Thanks for all the comments ladies, they really are appreciated. Still not sure what's happening but I'll keep you all updated as soon as I know. Good luck to all you Brides to be! xx
CommentAuthormytts
Have now emailed my venue and waiting for her to get back to me. Although now I'm really panicing!! When we were looking through the brochure/pamphlet we had when we first enquired about the place we noticed that it has a cancellation policy on there. It says that the deposit is non-refundable (which is the norm, I guess) but it says if we cancel with 6 months to go we have to pay 50% of the total cost!! Does this mean that as we've paid a deposit, if she can't provide what we ask for and we cancel we have to pay out thousands of pounds for nothing? As I've said before we haven't signed a contract.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
No it doesn't hun as in order for them to do that they need you to have signed a contract to say you agree to it. If you had signed then you would have been liable for the costs but she hasn't got a leg to stand on with nothing in writing. In the eyes of the law you could have given her the money to book some rooms for the night or even just given them a donation so don't worry.
CommentAuthormytts
Thanks for that XjoX. Just realised you're getting married on the same day as us! :-) x
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Ooooo I'm getting married at 2pm then a blessing at 3pm. What time are you getting married?
CommentAuthormytts
We're booked in for 1.30pm. Just had a phone call from our venue! Aaaaargh!! We asked her if we could have a buffet from about 4.30pm/5pm for ALL of our guests, as Emmalouise suggested, making it one big party not two. Apparently she can't do that! To quote her "It just wouldn't work and there wouldn't be enough food to keep people going for 7hrs"!! So there we have it, me and H2B are back to square one with just over 5mths to go! HEEEEEELLLLLLP!! :-(
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
So what did you say back to her?
CommentAuthormytts
Well, even though I half expected it, it through me a bit and I said that me and H2B would discuss things and get back to her.
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I would get some paper and a pen and list all the points you want to make to her and then while you are on the phone with her you can go through them and you can tick them off as you mention them. At least that way you won't be put off when she starts up. If she starts again by saying that there isn't enough food tell her that your guests are more than aware of the food situation and are happy with it as are you. You are the one that is paying for it and you are happy with the arrangements. If she isn't willing to cater for what you and your h2b want then you will simply find another venue that is. I'm sure that if people eat at 12 ish they will not waste away in 4-5 hours. As long as the buffet is a good one that will again be enough to last them later on and if not they can always order a take out.
Remember that you are the client and without you they don't get paid at all. It is up to you how your money is spent and as you can kindly remind her you are not tied into a contract so can walk away if she won't let you have what you want. It is down to you not her how and when the guests get fed.
CommentAuthorEmmaLouise
OK, I've had a couple of glasses of wine and I don't normally drink, but this is what I would be writing to her... Dear...,
I am writing with regards to my previous enquiry and have to say I am unhappy with the situation. We really feel that is our special day and we are being pushed into compromises. We want everyone we love to be with us on our day and cannot do that with a sit down meal and separate buffet. I am sure we could come to the arrangement where the buffet is larger, in so feeding more people. When we booked our venue we felt it was a good choice although in light of our requests not even being discussed or compromised upon it is making us feel unhappy with our choice. We really would not like that to be the case but although we respect your professional opinion we really do feel our wishes are not being taken into consideration. I would like for us to be able to reach a compromise where both parties will be happy.
That's my 10p worth (feel free to use any of it ;) ) Good luck x
CommentAuthormytts
Emma Louise, that's so good of you! I'm usually ok at writing things like this but the way you've worded that is brill, and that's AFTER a drink!! :-) We're going to give her one more chance to try and work this out, I don't hold out much hope as she sounded quite definate on the phone that she would not do just a buffet. Me and H2B have been talking and we're now thinking of putting the wedding back to next year. x
CommentAuthorshellay
i think its unfair that they wont do just a buffet, our venue is very happy with just a buffet, they know that they will get plenty spent at the bar and surely a booking is better than not being able to fill your date if you cancel it, they will lose far more money. If you threaten them that you may cancel she may reconsider :) x
I have know my soulmate for 27 years and on the 6th August
I married him and became Mrs Garnham.
It was most definitely the happiest day of my life.
I love married life !!!!
CommentAuthorKarlie1976
we had a venue booked, our 'donations' towards our weddnig through one reason or another were slashed. The venue wouldnt opt for a buffet only instead of a sit down as the date was unusual (09/10/11) so they offered us the smaller room on site but was too small. So we had to cancel and we were only allowed 75% of our deposit back IF another party booked the date. Luckily someone did and we got some of it back, but I was at my wits end. seriously Mytts you need to call them, like others say, they are then put on the spot. They tried to get us to change our date, but we wouldnt budge. We have found a venue which suits us much better now, although nowhere near as spectacular as the 1st venue, but I will put my touches on it and I feel happier. Dont make her pressurise you into something you guys dont want to do. If you want a buffet and not a sit down then thats what you have. She is thinking of where she makes her money. So she is thinking of excuses to put you off the buffet. xxxxxx
Oh mitmas tree oh mitmas tree, how lovely are your branches
09/10/11 What a Fandabulous day!
CommentAuthorsuzky123
i cant believe she wont make time for you... go over her head
cant wait to be Mrs Evans less than 3 weeks woooo
start weight 10st 1.5 lbs
weight now 8st 4.5 lbs
total loss to date: 24.5 lbs now need to maintain!
CommentAuthormytts
So you've been through the same thing Karlie! I understand about phoning her and putting her on the spot, it's just that I really want her to put in writing that it's her refusing to do what we'd like, not just us cancelling for no good reason, then if she starts demanding money from us we have proof that the blame lies with her not us. I agree about the money too, I think when she said it just wouldn't work, what she really meant was, it just wouldn't be profitable enough! H2B reckons it's happened for a reason so he's being very optimistic as usual and stopping me from stressing too much. Thanks for all the support on here! xx
CommentAuthorTinsel
To me, it sounds like a very unhelpful, unkind venue. I'd lose the deposit and find somewhere new.
07.04.12 - the best day of my life!
Living happily ever after as Mrs Nottage x
CommentAuthorEmmaLouise
I'm not pleased with how they are treating you, our venue is going all out to make us happy, they're creating a menu as they have done for others to encompass what we want, they offer as standard a hog roast with pasta, salad and baguettes for £10 per head and a sit down meal but they are letting us drop that to have the hog roast, seafood bbq and vegetarian buffet. They are a new venue though so they are making a good impression. I really hope it works out for you. I'd be really gutted to lose a deposit so I understand you trying to keep the venue. Although the lady who runs our venue was saying yesterday that a very well known venue around here cancelled with 9 weeks to go without barely an apology as they had double booked. The poor bride called her sobbing. What a thing to do to someone, I swear I would have them in court quicker than you can say boo. So here's hoping you are luckier than that poor lady and that she eventually bends to your will! I stand by it being your day and it should be your way. I do think H2B has a point though, maybe it is for a reason and fair play to him he sounds like a goodun :) x
CommentAuthorEmmaLouise
Oh yes our venue has it in the contract that if we cancel and they manage to book their venue on that date you get a full refund instead of having cancellation fees, something to bear in mind. The other thing my H2B just thought of is if she doesn't appear bothered about you going elsewhere she may have been asked to do a wedding for more money in which case she could be trying to push you away. If that's the case get someone to ring asking for details on the wedding on that date as you want to plan a surprise, if they say which one you know! Sneaky aren't we? I can't help it, I feel really strongly that a wedding day should be what the couple wants. x
CommentAuthormytts
Ok, just a quick update. We e-mailed our venue asking her to confirm by e-mail that she would only provide a wedding breakfast AND buffet, not buffet only. We waited 4days for a reply, and we had to send the e-mail a second time before we got that. She has now said that on this occassion she would serve Afternoon Tea instead of a wedding breakfast, which would consist of sandwiches, cake, scones, tea & coffee, for , wait for it, £25.00 per head!! £25.00 just for some sarnies n cakes?!! x
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Go and tell her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine and find somewhere else. It sounds like it really isn't worth the hassle!
CommentAuthorUnknown
i would go and see her and say how can she justify £25 for sandwiches, cake and tea! my venue is charging £28.73 for 3 courses! did you get a contract in the end?
