H2B wants an open bar. When I asked him why he said it's because all his friends have had open bars and he wants to return the gesture (except 1 who had a limit on the bar, had it open until it hit a certain limit, then opened up with a new limit again when the evening guests arrived).
I'm worried about this making cost spiral as all his friends (and he has a lot of friends) are heavy drinkers - they easily put away 8 pints in an evening each. Plus, quite a few of my friends drink a lot. We are expecting around 100 guests plus a few more in the evening.
We are providing plenty of drinks (both alcoholic and non-alcoholic) during the drinks reception with canapes and with the wedding breakfast - this is all part of the package we have.
Ideally I don't want any kind of open bar but he is insistent so I'm willing to put a limit on the bar and then after that people will have to start paying (he is still wanting a completely open bar).
What is everyone else doing?
What is the norm? My sister had a pay bar and noone apart from my aunt complained about having to pay for drinks. I worry that there are a lot of people who will abuse it.
If you are putting a limit on the bar what is your limit (average per head cost)?
Thanks xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorUnknown
i didnt have a open bar and no one complained apart from my sister. to be honest, i dont think it is expected as everyone knows how expensive weddings are anyway.
if we had of had one it would have cost thousands as both of our friends drink a lot!
i would say if you can afford it and dont mind then have one otherwise maybe just buy everyone their first drink x
CommentAuthorElle23
We are having a cash bar. Our day guests receive a welcome drink after ceremony, 1/2 a bottle of wine per head with their meal and a glass of champagne for toasts. After that it's buy your own!!!
I don't think people expect and open bar
He wants it, you don't so surely the compromise is a limit I've seen some posts on here that people are offering a token system to enable people to have xxx amount of drinks "on you" as such then after their alloted number its reverts to a cash bar.
This sounds like it would work well for you, especially if you think some may abuse your hospitality xx
To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
CommentAuthorkirstyless
We didn't have an open bar and no-one complained and when I went to get me and hubby a drink noone would let us pay for one.
We put drinks on for canapes, speeches and the wedding breakfast. At the end of the day you're paying for them to come and share your special day with you, surely they wouldn't mind paying for a few drinks themselves? Even if I could of been able to afford it I wouldn't of had an open bar because people do just take advantage x
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
What about just one drink per guest from the bat after that its cash only? You could hand out little vouchers at the service saying take me to the bar for a, a pint, b a soft drink or c a single shot. That way your limiting their drink but still giving them something.
We are not giving our guests any drinks except jugs of water on the tables and hot chocolate while we have our photos everything else is cash only
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We are having a barrel of beer and a barrel of larger and lots of bottles of red, rose and whte wine, and some sort of sparkling wine for the toast, cans of cider and soft drinks, our guests will know beforehand and if they want anything else they are welcome to bring it, as we are in a village hall it does not matter
CommentAuthorInDreamland
So I'm not being tight then lol!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorcford20
Definitely not, you could be spending thousands on drink.
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
edited
There's no way we're having an open bar, even my mum said an open bar is no longer the norm (& she's reasonably traditional on these things). A lot of places offer packages of 2-3 welcome drinks per person, half a bottle of wine with the meal & a glass of champagne for the toasts - that sounds good to me! :)
An open bar is a very easy way to increase your budget tbh: if you have 100 guests having 8 drinks each at £5 a drink that's £4000.. For that £4000 I'd rather have an amazing honeymoon for the two of us, or put it towards a house deposit.
A lot of our friends are heavy drinkers too & if you consider a wedding is a long day (they have their 1st drink at say 3pm, go home at midnight = 9 hours!) then people could easily put away more than 8 drinks.
But that's just my opinion! 2-3 welcome drinks, canapes, 4 course meal, half bottle of wine, glass of champagne, evening buffet & cake/cheese is enough for me (and if anyone complains they can stay at home lol!) Xx
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Some venues don't charge corkage - if your guests wanted then they could bring any particular drinks they want? Xx
CommentAuthorMrsMarr2B
We will definitely not be having an open bar!! I think it is an absolutely ridiculous idea! It could end up costing £1000's!!! Weddings are expensive enough without adding on 1000's for everyone else to get drunk at your expense! You are already paying to feed them and more than likely giving them drink on arrival, at the table and and drink for toast. To me that is more than enough free drink! xx
Mrs Marr 2 b!!! Can't blooming wait!!
10-11-12 can't come quick enough :)
CommentAuthorMrsSaraParry!
we're having a cash bar! All the day guests receive a glass of champagne and canapes on arrival, half a bottle of wine each and another glass of champagne for the toast - I personally think that's plenty to give your guests without them expecting an open bar too! We've negotiated an arrival drink for our evening guests too, but that shouldn't have been included. After that they're paying for their own. An open bar could seriously end up adding thousands on to the cost of the wedding, I'd steer clear if I were you xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks EcoFreak - our package includes the welcome drinks (x2 per person), half bottle of wine per person and water at the wedding breakfast plus a glass of sparkle for the toast which to me is plenty and why I didn't want to pay for more.
I'm going to have to work on him .................anyone else having to work on their OH's or are they agreeing with the no open bar or limit? xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLegoWife
What MrsMarr2B said!
If people want to get drunk they can do it on their own money. I know it's a celebration and all that, but drinking isn't the be all and end all of a good time.
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorElle23
Show him this thread hun!!!
To be wed on our 10 year anniversary! 23.08.2013
CommentAuthorHa_x3
I personally would NEVER have an open bar, people will take advantage & it will cost you a fortune xx
Mrs Lunn
08/05/12 was the best day of my life
& I love my husband with all my heart xxxx
CommentAuthorshannon.sinclair
We are having an open bar, but we are lucky because we can buy all of the drinks from the supermarket as we are in a marquee. If we did the hotel reception which we had planned, there would be no way we could afford an open bar though!
CommentAuthorEcoFreak
Well said Lego! If I were a guest at a wedding I'd be a) bl00dy grateful I'd been invited at all, b) thankful for the lovely food, c) enjoy the entertainment & social aspect d) tbh I'd kind of expect a drink for the toasts but any other drinks I'd be thankful to the bride & groom for supplying. Anyone who kicks up a stink about there not being an open bar is, in my opinion, either completely oblivious to how much weddings costs or an a$$. Or maybe just really really rich lol. Some couples have whole, lovely weddings for less than the £4000 I mentioned above - maybe mention that to your h2b? Xx
CommentAuthorFitchMcCombe
I'm with the other ladies, an open bar is a luxury most of us just cant afford! We're not having a formal wedding so we're actually considering byob since I know my aunties always sneak in the booze and just pay for mixers anyway lol! If we end up doing it we'll buy enough bubbly for toasts and a limited amount of beer and wine (whatever good deals we can get), and when it runs out people will be able to start on what they brought! xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks ladies - I think at the moment I need to show him our budget spreadsheet and the fact that this wedding is heading towards £25k and that's excluding the honeymoon!
I'm not very good at finding these bargains, there are some DIY things we're doing but the open bar thing is really silly xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
I think an open bar is a silly idea personally and even a limit doesnt seem to work anymore as everyone takes advantage! Rather than having a single they have a double, rather than having a glass of wine, they have a bottle! It will end up costing you thousands!!! And if you put a limit on, by the time some of the guests have taken liberties, the whole fund will be gone and half of your guests may not have had a drink at all! xxx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks Linzi-jo I do think I'm going to have to give in to some form of compromise. I like the idea of the limit to keep him sweet but as you say that will mean some people miss out (I hadn't thought of that until you mentioned it). The ticket idea seems good, first drink on us (limited to a pint of beer/larger, a shot or glass of wine). The drinks there will be expensive as whilst it's in a marquee it's in the grounds of an old manor house with fancy manicured grounds and a small hotel wing.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorMrsMarr2B
Another reason for not having an open bar is people will take advantage and drink A LOT more than they would if they were having to pay for it. Also with that in mind you are heading for a disaster!!! People will drink till they fall over not able to stand, start spewing everywhere or even worse get so drunk that they start arguing fighting etc. Weddings are supposed to be happy times and of course for having a good drink and even having a laugh at the drunk uncle that thinks he can dance but really cant! but you dont want it spoiled by them that take advantage of the drink for the one and only reason of THEY ARE NOT HAVING TO PAY FOR IT!!! I am in not way having to fight with my oh about this as he thinks paying out for the meal and drinks package for arrival, table and toasts is more than enough!! £60 a head is more than enough infact he thinks thats too much per person, but its what we are having to pay to get the venue etc that we want! xx
Mrs Marr 2 b!!! Can't blooming wait!!
10-11-12 can't come quick enough :)
CommentAuthorLinzi-jo
Yeah I think the voucher idea is the best one. That way they all get a drink on you, no one misses out, and no one can take advantage of a free bar! Good luck talking h2b round! lol xx
Got together 14.02.2008
Got engaged 31.12.2010
Will become a Mrs on 30.08.2014 xxxxxx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks, I think this is going to be the hardest conversation of them all in relation to our wedding :(
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorFuture mrs mac
You could have the limit? I've never been to a wedding with an open bar (quite gutted as the drinks are always super expensive) If you can afford it I think its a nice gesture but its not expected x
CommentAuthorXbox widow
We are not having a open bar, we are providing welcome drinks for the people who attend the cerimony (about 20) then they will have to pay. If you do have an open bar people will take advantage and your day will be ruined by drunken people, then that can lead to alsorts of other problems fighting etc. Plus it will cost an absolute fortune.
CommentAuthorclive
Your wedding will be ruined if you have an open bar. Others have made it clear that they drink more only if they don't pay for it-and they're right. This is your wedding day were talking about here. Its about having people around you who. Ou want to remember the day with for the right reasons, not the wrong ones. Weddings aren't about how much you can drink before you start throwing up/falling over and making a total idiot of yourself.
If your H2b's friends are huge drinkers, so what? If thats all hey are coming for, do you really want them at your wedding?
CommentAuthorInDreamland
We do want them all at the wedding, they are lovely people, just enjoy a good drink when they get together which as you say is very pricey!
I've been to a few weddings with them and a couple do go overboard but there's not been any fights or chucking up (or not that I've seen anyway).
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorSammi_with_camera
We are not having an open bar unless we win the lottery in the next 12 months of course. I have been to one wedding where they had money behind the bar and then when it ran out it ran out. It lasted quite a while and i dotn think anyone took advantage, i would have felt guilty taking advantage to be honest. Weddings are so expensive and i dotn think anyone minds paying for drinks, they should be buying you drinks actually! lol!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Hmmmmmm, I think H2B would rather go with money behind the bar/limit - I know there will be people who won't take advantage, equally there is a group who do drink like fish - one of the ushers is a particularly big drinker and I can't stand it when he's drunk. I drove him home after one wedding and I wanted to chuck him outta my car down the A12!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorladyannwyn
i also agree with the other ladies, were having a buy your own bar, i wouldnt ever have a free bar as people will drink more (not to take advantage) but they just think, i'll have one more or just enjoy their drink and oppps its gone i'll get another! its easy to over drink if no money is changing hands, but either the vouchers or a limit is definatly the route to take if H2B won't budge, who's paying (if you don't mind me asking?) if hes paying the majority then he does get a say in it and needs to agree on a limit but if its down to you (not in a mean way, im paying most of our wedding cos he pays the bills) then you can be a little more pushy as you can make more of hte decision, i would say 5 drinks per head would be plenty, at about £4 a drink average so for 100 people thats - £2000 would be plenty i rekon, hope you get it sorted hun xxxxx
CommentAuthorWifey2be
i wouldt have a free bar weddings are expensive as we all know and to be honest ive only been to one free bar wedding and people did take advantage!
i dont see the harm in people buying their own drinks! xx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
It's a mixture of us paying.
My parents are stumping up about 40% of the entire wedding budget, his sister has offered a generous sum but he is still considering whether or not to take it (I hope he accepts - she offered as she doesn't think their dad can afford it), his Dad is thinking about offering a little, the rest will be split between us.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorclive
I dont either. Theyre being fed anyway, plus drnks for the toast etc..
CommentAuthorladyannwyn
so about even really, so you need to come to an agreement together, perhaps speak to a bar company that does both options (just enquire btw) and see if they will tell you what the average cost for an open bar is and what the takings are for a buy your own bar is and see the difference, if the difference is vast then you know how high to expect and that people do drink more but if they are very close then you can think well its not so often that people over drink then? at least u will know where the goal posts are!!! also you could enquire what the most expensive open bar has been for a worst case scenario? might surprise your h2b as to how much it could cost! worth finding out hun xxxx
CommentAuthorclbronze
Haven't read whole thread. I think open bar is unnecessary cost and encourages drunkeness at your expense. We're providing a lot of booze during the day so is a pay bar in the evening but I think that's fine as long as people know. I think if you do have an open bar there should be a time or money limit on it as you may end up with a huge bill- people do tend to go mad if they know they're not paying for the drinks! x
Met Paul on 01.06.08
Marrying him on 01.06.12
CommentAuthor~feebee~
Open bars are asking for trouble, even if we could afford one we wouldn't do it. Good luck Hun, having a limit is best if you do have one.
Finally Mrs Grove :)
CommentAuthorkrissy905
edited
we aren't having an open bar either i might put a bit of money on the bar for the evening and we have a drinks package for the day but will be a cash bar. all weddings i have ever been to have been cash bars. these days i don't think its the norm to have a free bar these days especially with the amount of alcohol people drink now its a lot more then it use to be. xx
CommentAuthorPB
We went to a wedding last year that had a free bar and it was fantastic lol! BUT it must have cost thousands and although it was fantastic we would have been more than happy to pay for our drinks,in fact we were expecting to and it would not have taken anything away from the day if we had had to pay. We will not be having a free bar,i think its just an unnecessary expense.We are providing a drinks reception and drinks with the meal and for toasting etc but once the wedding breakfast is over its every man for himself.xxx
CommentAuthorbexter83
edited
We put money behind the bar, £1000 pound away which included, beer, cider, wine and soft drinks any spirits our guests had to pay for. That amount of money enabled a mini bar to be put on after the ceremony and the bar from the wedding breakfast through to the end of the evening. There was £100 still left over at the end, which we gave to the bar staff to divide as they had done an excellent job all day.
CommentAuthorKATG
If youre not sure you can afford it dont do it. We are buying 2drinks vouchers per guest, we are being charged £2 pef voucher. After that theyre on there own. Its not expected to have a free var hun, i went to a wedding yesterday and there was no free bar and nobody batted an eyelid
Mrs Wilson2B
Need to loose 5 stones and 2lbs
3 Stones 2 lbs lost so far!!!
Getting Married 3rd August 2013
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks for all the advice.
bexter83, thanks for letting me know what happened at your wedding. Would you mind if I asked how many guests you had? If it only cost you £900 for the whole day it doesn't sound so bad but I'm defo going to say to put a limit on ours x
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorbex
i personally wouldn't consider an open bar far to expensive, good luck with that one x
marrying the man of my dreams
we have 2 perfect children together
the day i become mrs clifford can't come quick enough
26/08/2013 :-)
CommentAuthorRaggedyAnne
edited
I personally think that people get greedy and wasteful when drinks are free. so its a cash bar for us. We are paying £50 per person for their meals, on top of that we are serving welcome drinks, red and white wine served with their meals, and then the toast......I think that's enough to pay for if I'm honest.
I can resist anything but temptation
CommentAuthorInDreamland
edited
I agree with you all and really don't want it, I just feel like I have to give in or compromise big style on this issue coz H2B is really keen on it.
I think I'm going to do as you suggested ladyannwyn and find out the average cost/takings of open/pay bars.
Our package that includes welcome drinks, half bottle of wine per person during the wed brekkie and toast with all the food (not evening buffet) is £114 per head.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorladyannwyn
wow! that is alot of money alothough it is a good price for what you get though, definatly go research it, even get h2b to do some of the phoneing, if he can be trusted not to book the first thing he finds lol! so he can hear first hand the costs of it and is involved in it too :) gd luck with it all hun xxxx
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Thanks hun.
The price is all inclusive of the venue hire, wedding breakfast and canapes during the welcome drinks reception, table linen, crockery, cutlery, wedding co-ordinator, events manager, menu tasting, exclusive use of venue and the grounds and H2B's and my room on the night of the wedding and brekkie the next morning. The bar is provided by the venue so it'll just be a case of asking them on the open vs. pay bar costs but if we put a limit on I won't worry too much about it. I was thinking £500 from after the toasts and cake cutting should be sufficient.
Not sure H2B will find out cost, I prefer to do it anyway .........I've made him sort out the DJ and cars and just got the photographers to call him tomorrow as I'm busy at work all day so he has plenty to be getting on with, if I make him do anymore he'll whine I think.
xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I never mentioned did I ..............I'm tee total!
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorGazza 122
Hiya, I have never been to a wedding that have had an open bar. I would expect to pay for my own drinks as a guest. xxx
