I know my wedding isn't a while yet but whilst watching a few wedding programs I got the motivation to have an early kick start to some organisation. One being the guest list. Well, my family aren't exactly close (apart from my mum's side) but i have two aunts and uncles that make no effort at all. It was always my parents making the effort to travel down to see them (we only live 50 minutes away from each other at least), we always remember their children's birthday's and they forget mine and my brother's. It also really upset me that one aunt and uncle "couldn't find the time to see us ... or afford it" when they found the time and money to go away to Australia for 3 weeks and then they're moving without telling my dad (he's a brother to one of my uncle's). The other aunt and uncle just doesn't seem to realise that my dad, mum and brother exist really.
Which then causes me a bit of problem. They turned up to my engagement party and If I don't invite those four and their children and invite my other aunt (my dad's sister), they'll kick up a fuss because they weren't invited, it's happened before on my dad's side of the family when I was a bridesmaid and the others weren't. They'll probably want to forget about me altogether if I did. I'm going to invite my mum's sister and my dad's only sister without a doubt.
Am I being selfish or petty?
Sorry if that was confusing at all.
CommentAuthorMrs b to be
Nope im 100% understand where your coming from, I dont think your being selfish its yours and h2bs wedding day, you should have who you want there.x
CommentAuthorFreyFreyMrs.Carney2B
I don't think you're being selfish at all. I've decided to invite my auntie and uncle who I haven't seen in years and don't really have anything to do with my life because I couldn't bear the grief I'd get from my dad and gma if I didn't invite them! As dad is contributing to the wedding I felt if he got his way in that then I could get my way on something else... Cunning huh?!?
CommentAuthorHonest John!
It is such a difficult situation to feel pressured into inviting family. In theory you should have who you want however in reality this can be difficult. We are compromising so W2B is inviting her aunts and uncles but no cousins (there are 22 of them!) so she can have more friends and I am doing my best to alienate as many of my family as possible as even second cousins are invited to everything in my family even though we dont really know each other at all. We decided to compromise for our parents sake but if they were not bothered about inviting these family we would be thrilled with that
CommentAuthorsmooch
Your wedding is YOUR day.
You should only invite the people you really want to be there - people who mean something to you and who care about you. You're lucky not to have 1600 guests like Wills & Kate.
When Mr & Mrs smooch got married they only had guests that mattered to them. Some people got offended - but they got over it.
You do what the two of you want - not 'what's expected' of you. Good Luck and have a fantastic day!
I am very close to my side of the family (Aunty's, Cousins etc) and they will all be invited to the ceremony, where as Dave isn't very close to the majority of his Aunts and Uncles - infact I have never met one of his uncles, none of his cousins and we have been together 19 years. I wouldn't feel bad about offended people who don't bother with you and you could always compromise and just invite them to the evening reception. You could always use an excuse like, you are only allowed a maximum amount of guests. I would speak to your Dad and see what he thinks.
I love my lickle Ava
CommentAuthorNHR115
I wouldn't feel bad about it honey, it's your day and you can invite who you want. I'm going to have the same problem but to be honest I couldn't give two hoots - I've had the agro already over the flowergirl and I know it's only going to get worse when the invites go out. I'll send you all a wee message when I send my inivtes out and if you look towards Scotland you're sure to see fireworks. lol. xxx
CommentAuthorcford20
Thankyou very much for all your insight :D really helpful, probably me just being silly :P. Ooo NHR115 I'm heading back to Scotland in a few hours, I go to university there hehe. Once again thankyou :) and i hope you all have lovely days
CommentAuthorclaireandpete
Your wedding your guest list, why spend money on people that dont make an effort with you.
CommentAuthorNHR115
(I know) What uni do you go to cford20?
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
Why worry about what they will think hun. I've got the same thing my dads brothers family I dont't see never had a card for birthdays or anything but they came to the engagement. They aren't getting an invite to the day due but they are to the evening. You have to be ruthless! We're only having 50 day guests and 100 evening. I can't have everyone and I just have to hope that my family understand
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I have no problem in not paying for people I don't like. If you never see them then you won't be around to hear the backlash from them so it really isn't a problem. If they don't like it then they should have invested more time in you before so you would have wanted them there. Why pay out all that money to feed them? You wouldn't take a stranger off the street and invite them so why do it just because you share the same blood line?
CommentAuthorsam73
We choose only to invite adults most people dint have a problem with this, one who did has 5 kids we explained they couldn't come due to cost ad venue size they moaned about it for ages then they never replied to invite ( their kids are 20, 19 etc) so I phoned them and they then said they didn't receive the invite anyway after them trying to persuade us that the kids needed to come and us keeping our foot down they decided not to come at all. We weren't that fussed they aren't close close family and we thought it was a bit much that they expected it
CommentAuthorbarbie86
My personal feeling is that if someone can't remember your birthday or be bothered to keep in touch, then they have no right to feel peeved if they don't get an invite.
We are inviting only VERY close friends and family to the ceremony and breakfast, partly because of number constraints at the venue, but mainly because we only want people there who really mean something to us. For us, the ceremony should be an intimate occasion, and we would feel unformatble having people watch us exchange our vows who barely know us and don't really care about us.
As a result, we have excluded a lot of my OHs family, and some of our friends. For example, we've invited one of his great uncles and his wife, and not the other; the one's we're inviting, I've met and spoken to via letter/email, and my OH is in regular contact with them. The other great uncle he hasn't seen, or heard from, for 14 years. We are not inviting people to save their feelings, and TBH if he does feel offended that his brother and sister are invited and not him, we don't really care.
We also have a strict no children policy; this means a few friends who have children won't be able to bring them. Again, we don't want children there, especially children we don't know, and the wedding reception particularly is going to be very adult in terms of venue and entertainment, and will be going on until god knows when; I hope people will be understanding of this, I certainly would.
Bottom line, it is your day and the guest list is the only thing I won't back down on; ask yourself how much you'll care if they do get in a huff, then decide. I really don't care if I vaguely offend someone I never see/have never met, so for me it's pretty simple lol
CommentAuthorMrsd
Your day your way, i only had immediate family at my wedding, iv had cousins & one aunt so far delete me off FB because they didnt get a invite...little did they know none of them did, you can never win with familys. x
CommentAuthorxbeckix88
Well this sounds familiar!! My family are just like that! Both my aunts & uncles told me they couldnt make my engagement party as it was a bit too far to travel (as they live in london and were in devon) But couple weeks later they were off abroad and on hols that were further then coming to see us! Thing is nearly every month they seem to be jetting off to somewhere for a weekend away or holiday! Annoys me as in all my life i think theyve bothered to come down and see us a hand ful of times they always expect us to make effort to go see them!
Im also stuck with what to do as if i dont invite ill NEVER hear the end of it.
But no your not being petty at all!
CommentAuthormcewan07
I dont think you are. I am inviting my mum, gran and mums sister - my aunt elaine. But my aunt alison (my mum's other sister) and her family i am not inviting. My mum has asked if i am planning to, i think she doesn't want to fall out with her after they have made up, but i am sticking to my guns and she will not be getting a look in.It was a few years ago when she called my kids (who were only 3years and the other only half a year old) ba$***ds, and me all the names under the sun, she is so stuck up, and nasty its unbelievable (ie. blaiming my dad when a slab fell onto her son, even although my dad wasn't home and she should have been watching her own kids) Their is many more things but i will be here all do, so i will not be inviting her and i dont care what is said.
Stick to your guns, if you dont want them then dont have them or not only will you be wasting money but they could ruin your day for you
CommentAuthorMrsMelodyWalker
I don't think it's being selfish at all. It's your wedding and you shouldn't have to pay for people you don't actually want there. My family aren't very close, infact I can't stand half of my dads family. Half of them will be at my wedding, the other half won't and I really don't care if they make a fuss! I'm inviting my auntie and uncle but not there kids because I think they are a bunch of losers! But I will be having some other cousins there. Its my day! Actually thinking about it now, I might not invite any of them lol!!
All of my dreams come true the day I married you, Mr Walker
5.11.11
Remember Remember The 5th of November
CommentAuthormcewan07
edited
more money for the honeymoon melody :D
CommentAuthorMrsMelodyWalker
I've had such issues with my dads family since I got engaged. A couple of my cousins weren't happy because I intended on only having the bridal party's kids at the day, one of my cousins actually said it's because I can't have my own kids and I'm jealous! Another cousin said she will tell me she's coming but not actually turn up on the day. Families can be gross! And they don't deserve all that money spent on them. I will save well over £2,000 by not having most of my dads family there, there are so many of them and I dislike pretty much everyone! If you let them be there, they will only make you feel crap!
All of my dreams come true the day I married you, Mr Walker
5.11.11
Remember Remember The 5th of November
CommentAuthormcewan07
so so true, I know i would not enjoy myself if my aunt was to come
(I know) What uni do you go to cford20?
