Hi I really don't know if anyone can help me. I don't exactly know what I'm after, maybe somewhere to put my feelings down or advice or reassurance. Basically me and my partner was planning to get married after we had saved a while so we could have everything we wanted but we found out his grandad had cancer and wanted to get married before he dies so we said we would marry in a registry office then renew our vows in a couple of years in a church and do the whole wedding properly. Suddenly today we have heard my fiancees grandad has weeks to live he is being discharged from hospital and is going into respite care my partner rings up the registry office to see if we could get married a bit sooner due to the circumstances, all of a sudden he has booked to give notice and we have a provisional booking of 8th of November this year but the ceremony is for us and 2 witnesses so obviously completely not what I wanted especially with having 2 children that i want there. I want to my marry my fiancee and want to marry so his grandad can see him get married, he is the oldest of the grandchildren, but then what if he dies before we get married, it's completely not what I want and our kids or anyone can't be there and it just won't feel like a wedding and then when we renew our vows it won't feel like a wedding then either. I'm not having a wedding dress or bouquet or anything coz I can't bring myself to have them, im just going to get a normal dress. Please help what would u do?
CommentAuthorNicolaB7220
I don't mean this to sounds harsh, I am sorry if it does and it's absolutely awful about you OH granddad and I am sure that as much as he would like to see you get married, he would also want you both to have the day you have always dreamed of and if that means him not being there, then surely he would understand?
My nan had a nasty fall about 12 weeks before my wedding and it could have gone either way as she's 91 years old. There is nothing she wanted more than to see me marry the love of my life but after her fall and she was given all the warnings from the doctor about the operation she had to undergo, she said to me that if she did pass away, she would die happy knowing that I was getting married and was happy. Thankfully she made it through and saw me get married but she would have never wanted me to settle for anything other than perfect on her behalf.
It's a very difficult situation for you. Sorry I can't really be more help xx
CommentAuthorLaurenD45
Loved ones passing is the reason we decided to step up and set a date. We did this knowing that in reality it still might not work out and they wouldn't get to see us. At the end of the day only you know what you want. Yes it's nice having the big wedding day and being the centre of attention but at the end of the day the outcome is the same two people are married and committed to spending the rest of their lives together.
I'm sure his grandad wouldn't want you to get married for his sake but because you want to get married and he will want you to have everything you dream of. Surely setting the date (even if years away) and informing him of that would make him happy and would be better than something you may later regret.
CommentAuthorLoz K
Hi Lozza,
It's a horrible situation to find yourself in but I agree with the ladies here, maybe OH granddad will be happy just knowing that you are going to be getting married, I don't think he'd want you to rush anything just for his sake. Unfortunately as you have to give notice in a civil ceremony you have to give at least 28 days' notice, so there isn't much you can do there, but maybe have a word with OH granddad - he may hate the idea of you rushing your plans just because of him rather than end up with the day you both really want.
