Hi everyone. Im a newbe my partner asked the big question 3 months ago and we already have our date but booking terms mean we cant put a deposit down until one year before so most stuff is on hold! My M.O.H (best friend of 8 years) who has told me the date for my hen do without asking! told everyone, dates booked off work, as i am not aloud to know any of her plans i had to find out via a other mate. now after sorting out dates and friends list i have heard from a number of people that she has been very rude in her email telling people they have to buy drinks for me and her all weekend. plus telling people what to wear for the whole weekend which adds over £60 to the £200 weekend anyway (which i have already said is too much). what do i do about this? i cant see the email and the fact she is being rude to my mates which she has not meet kills me! i'm the first to get married in my group so i cant really ask anyone how to taim the maid of honor lol!!! please help
CommentAuthormcquire81
I think you really need to nip this in the bud! Its great she is being so enthusiastic but this is your hen night not hers! The organising of the hen night is the MOH's job but that doesnt mean you cant know anything about it. I have told my MOH which date i want mine and a list of guests, the rest is up to her to sort out. The only person who can tame her is you, pull rank if you have to! Getting the other girls to buy her drinks is a definite cheek too!!!
CommentAuthormelvis
hmm... hard one... first of all in her defence she is taking charge and actually actively arranging your hen do... many brides find this does not happen and their MOH's cant be bothered to arrange anything, secondly in her defence she has told your friends that basically YOUR the star of the show, you need to be treated as such and like the Queen will not be carrying cash so is pre warning the ladies that they are expected to buy your drinks...
ok so the points against her... SHE IS NOT THE BRIDE... so ensure your friends know that they are not obliged to buy HER drinks all night... what is she telling them to wear? if she is having a theme then you cant blame her.. eg cops and robbers, cave girls etc and costumes can be bought very cheaply...
maybe have a quiet word with her and say 'listen i SOOO appreciate that your doing all this for me your the BEST MOH EVER!! but... i HATE surprises and would soo much rather know so i can relax and enjoy it....' then she'll have to tell you what her plan is and then you can steer her in the right direction and act as a diplomat between MOH and other friends.... hope iv helped a weeeee bit :) xx
Cant wait to be Mrs Melissa Mooney!!!
Hes The Man Of My Dreams
Kos 2013!
CommentAuthormadison_uk
just pull her to the side and tell her your not happy ask to see the emails and tell her she needs to stop being so rude and to cut the amount its costing as that's way to expensive.
CommentAuthormcquire81
Great post, good advice Melvis! :-) Over enthusiastic MOH's can be just as much of a pain as the ones that dont care! xx
I see both sides too.... her enthasism is good and her organising it is one less thing for you to do and stress over so leave her to it but i would suggest having a word and suggesting what you would like to do. My hen do is being organised by my bridesmaids as surprise however i am picking the date and the guest list and have a list of things i dont want, e.g. No strippers but the rest is being left to her.
Have a quiet word with her and hopefully she will see it from your point too xx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthormelvis
yeah you need some give and take... like millz090 said... she had laid down the rules... and moh and bridesmades act according to her instuction xx
Cant wait to be Mrs Melissa Mooney!!!
Hes The Man Of My Dreams
Kos 2013!
CommentAuthormillz090
Maybe just remind her that she is doing an amazing job and you are grateful but equally your hen do and you want to be involved too xxx
Finally marrying the love of my life !!
10th August 2013 - 9 years to the day we met !
CommentAuthorOWB
I'd also give her a maximum budget and tell her that she has to stick to it.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorem.xox
Thanks girls!!! good points
its so hard. My mate, i know she is doing this all for me! ive been told there is upto 3 costumes for the weekend. i have been told that she is paying for something which no one else has to chip in for (but what i dont know) and thats why she wants drinks! which is fair but still some of these people have never meet her before and in the same email hearing £200 weekend plus £60 costumes and drinks for me and her im worried is putting people off! i will have a word but OMG she will take it so badly but hey i have to do something! lets see!!
CommentAuthorpemily
Maybe say thanks for all the help but cool off planning for the moment as something has come up and you are not sure if you can get time off. I would also make up a reason why I should be let in on the general plan. She has got a bit carried away bless her - a lot of diplomacy will be needed : )
CommentAuthorOWB
I obviously don't know your friends, but is it also worth considering that that friend that has come to you about the money and rudeness is saying this because she's not happy with something? I had it when I was planning a hen night, I arranged it all for a sensible price (around £60 all in - food, transports, drinks, entertainment) only to get a message from the brides mum saying that one of the girls had been in touch with her to say that it was too expensive. I asked the other girls and they were fine but I reduced the cost anyway - only for the girl that complained not to go. It turned out that she didn't really want to go but was using the price as an excuse.
Maybe you could chat to one or two other girls and get their opinion.
If only life could be one long tea break
CommentAuthorFernP61
its very cheeky not even letting you know the date and the fact shes bossing everyonre around hmm sounds like she needs to be brought down a peg or two x
CommentAuthorMrsShaw
Not much to add to what others have said really.
My MOH is my little sister who is 19. She has had to be forced to organize my hen do. I pshycically had to be there to make her book the table (after calling the restaurant to ask about prices the night before but specifically telling them I wasn't booking a table as my sister wanted to, and she didn't). I've had to be the one inviting all my friends etc.
I've chose the theme, everything. I would have loved to have just let her get on with it, but nothing would have got arranged.
And people wonder why I'm a control freak!
But yeah, you need to speak to her, and like others have said, your friends certainly don't have to buy her anything!!! Cheeky little so and so!
xx
CommentAuthorsussie
we had the same issue with my sil2b's moh. she went about organising the hen do and it wasn;t even what sil2b wanted either. and because she was getting married in guernsey, half the bridesmaids couldn;t attend. I couldnt afford it (genuinely as all our money was going on getting out there) and little sil2b would have missed half of it as she is only 16.
In the end she cancelled the one over here and we just had the one in guernsey, which was great fun. drinks, chieneses and playing taboo and disney trivial pursuit. which is exactly what sil2b wanted in the first place.
CommentAuthormrscookiecrew
hun, maybe u should have a word with her and just tell what people have said, maybe she doesn't realise she's being rude. but u should defiantly mention that YOU are the bride and she has no right to even ask people to buy her drinks let alone tell people to buy them her. Personally id be pretty mad if my MOH turned round to my friends and told them they had to buy my drinks all night. In the end it should be off there own back to buy u a drink, not cause its been demanded. x
also wold have been nan and grandads anniversary
CommentAuthorJill
Could it be a bit tongue in cheek - mentioning she's getting whatever it is so needs to have drinks bought? Surely she wouldnt think that people she doesnt know should be buying her drinks? The rest I think sounds like she just wants to give you the hen do she thinks you deserve. As OWB said - maybe it's someone using it as an excuse to get out of going? Having said that, I didnt want my hen do being expensive as I knew it would cost too much, esp the same month as the wedding x
29th September 2012
Cant wait to be Mrs D!
CommentAuthorem.xox
OMG well i had a word and now she has really over stepped her place! i know she has done it all for me but things are getting crazy she said that my mates a tight xxxxx! following with "well im thinking of canceling it anyway since no one has said thank you just doing a night out arrrrrg!!! " that choice is not hers!!!!!! and she told me she is paying for a surprise on her own costing £800 WTF i love her for doing it but i have told her not to its crazy" this girl dont have this kind of money! and then i find out that others are putting in for that as well! dont know what to believe.
jill - its more then one person who has said it cost more and the rude email. and one has already said they are coming. i dont think its a fob off!
i think im going to have to take over and i was hoping it could be a surprise anyone got any other ideas
