We are all booked up and almost completely done planning then .. Boom... My fiancee wants to cancel and change the date, he is 21 and has decided that next year is too soon and he doesn't want to leave his mum, he wants to get married but wants me to live at his mothers too... I've said no, so our relationship/wedding is suffering! I'm absolutely gutted, I'm not ready for a three way relationship/wedding and he wants a married life and his mother to be around, his exact words to me "if mums happy then I am, that's all that matters" ... He said id never understand ... My mum is furious but has said dont make him go house hunting anymore or force him to come away from his mum, he will resent you" i in my opinion he shouldnt of proposed, hes not ready for this kind of commitment...I'm so upset over this ): xo
CommentAuthorNicholaP44
Omg hun, wot a nitemare!! Ur rite tho, he is defo not ready 4 any commitment, u cant reach 21 and still feel like that about urmum without good reason. Is she putting pressure on him? Although i think 21 is quite young 2 get married? Plus 4 him 2 say, as long as his mum is happy and thats all thnat matters, is absolutely shocking! Wot about how you feel?? If i were in ur shoes I wouldnt be with some1 like that! U deserve a lot better! x x
Marrying "the 1" on 4th Oct 2013
CommentAuthorMrsBroady2B
I agree with NicholaP44. Sounds like he not thinking about how you would feel at all. Getting older is all about wanting to fly from the nest and start up our own happy home. x
CommentAuthorkimi1987
Is his mum on her own? I think u both need to sit down and talk about it. You deserve an explanation and him saying you wouldn't understand isn't fair, he's Not giving u a chance to understand why he feels this.
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25.05.2013. best day of my life
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
wooooo he is a very young 21 then , a real mummy's boy ........ im sorry to say i dont think hes ready for any commitment , but you do need to talk to him
He is one of 5 brothers, he is the youngest however all her sons see her on a regular basis... She's never really on her own, he says he wants a life with me, but then he says he wants a life where me his mum and him will live happily ever after together, that's just not me, non girl wants to live in her mil's house... Live in her shadow and be constantly fighting for her h2b attention... Living with the mil doesn't work, both my parents had to do it and their first marriages ended over it, even now he won't even make a decision unless he has her approval... We had planned to get married June next year, he would be 22 but now I think it won't work ever... He wants it his (and his mother's) way or not at all! And to top it off, I'm the one who has to do ALL the cancelling.. Church, venue, caterers, flowers, bridesmaids dresses, pageboy, flower girl dresses... So disappointed xo
CommentAuthorJoanneM54
Thats shocken but just think better to know now then even closer to date or after your wedding day hun you devo deserve better any bride to be does big hugs to you xx
CommentAuthorKistHall
Sounds like some apron strings need cutting. Are all the brothers like this or is it youngest boy syndrome?
CommentAuthor*KelBel*
I'm sorry but I think he is being completely immature and maybe he's using his mum as an excuse for the amount of commitment he obviously doesn't want to give at the moment.... When I was twenty one, I celebrated my birthday pregnant and had my first daughter aged 21, so really u can't say he's immature because 21is old enough to make his own decisions on things... I think if this is what he really wants... Wanting u to cancel everything....are u really that important in his life, I think you should be with someone who wants to marry and be with you 100% , not try to blame his issues on his mum... Seriously we're not 10! Xx
Velcro...my wedding day twinny! The Two Kel's!
Got engaged 14/10/12 in Central Park NYC!
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CommentAuthorInDreamland
Oh no Becca!
You deserve so much more than that. No woman should have to live in the shadow of her MIL and it's always good to have a little distance otherwise the MIL can be so interfering! My sister was so grateful for her hubby agreeing to move to the other side of London away from his family otherwise her MIL would constantly be interfering (she manages enough from where she is now). My mum had issues with my grandmother too and again happy there was distance between them as my parents live in this country.
Sorry to say it but sounds like your MIL2B needs to let go and your H2B need to grow up.
Hopefully he realises how much you mean to him and what he needs to do and makes that decision on his own. Some guys do mature later so hopefully he will come around soon. Are his friends all settled? Sometimes it takes a few mates to settle before the penny drops.
HUGS!!! xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorBecca
3 of the brothers are like this... Seriously nearly all umbilical cords weren't cut at birth, 2 of his brothers are older than my parents (42) and she still tells them what to do... I didn't know if me being angry with them both was selfish and immature, but I've sat back and watched how im spoken to, I get treated like I'm 'help' around the house... I'm ready to get a house and get married .. He was too, then all of a sudden his mother pipes up and he goes running, he's said were going out to dinner to talk tomorrow night ): xo
CommentAuthorJEm1905
I got married at 21 and don't think its too early to tie the knot.
It would seem she wraps her boys up in bubble wrap and thats not fair on you. I hope the talk goes okay tomorrow, make sure you keep calm xx
Got together - 19th May 2009
Our Civil Partnership - 19th May 2012
Waiting to re-Marry my Princess Legally
CommentAuthorBecca
I'll be 21 when I get married, all our friends either have children or moving abroad, I'm so worried its because I'm not good enough, just lately that's how I've been made to feel ): let's see how this talk goes, your all so lovely for your advice and comments xo
CommentAuthorInDreamland
I hope the talk tomorrow goes well and he wakes up and grows up.
My BIL was a little bit like that, his mum was so overbearing, interfering and did everything for him and his two older brothers. Then my sister basically sorted that out, read him the riot act and broke him slowly and gently until he realised that he needed to cut the apron strings. He was the one who made the decision in the end to move to the other side of London (much to my sister's relief) and now often avoids his mother's phone calls as I think he realises how much better life is without his mum being there every second of the day.
So there is hope yet that your H2B will grow up and take that step away from his mum but from experience of my sister it will be a slow process.
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorRosyF77
hmmm this sucks abit! maybe you should put it off for abit. At least he has told you how he feels. You need to try and get him to understand your point of view. sit him down and talk. xxx
CommentAuthorsarah
You deserve so much better. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. Some counseling about his relationship with mom would probably be a good idea. Unless you want to be married to his mom too I would suggest that it's good that you find put about this now rather than later. There are so many amazing guys out there. You deserve so much more don'tsettle.for less
CommentAuthorLauraJo87
I agree he sounds too immature to get married yet...and his relationship with his mother seems to be a priority over his relationship with you.
How does his mam feel about all this? Most mothers will be happy to see their sons settle down, although of course she will be sad that he is 'flying the nest' she needs to realise that this is a nor al stage of life and it's time to let go.
Maybe you could have a chat with her and see where she stands?
Xx
My Beating Heart Belongs To You
30 August 2013
The First Day Of My Happily Ever After
CommentAuthorsuzky123
wont you lose all the deposites etc? It sounds to me like he needs a kick up the backside. My sister had a similar relationship and I agree with you, it didnt work out. He needs to really have a think about his choices but so do you. You need to think about whether or not the relationship can work with the mum whether you are living there or not as it depends on if you think you can r eason with him. I wish you the best of luck and hope it sorts itself out x
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CommentAuthorVelcro
theres nothing worse than being with a guy who is attached to the apron strings, my first boyfriend was liek this, I 'wasnt good enough for him' and all the usual speil, it got old fast. We obviosuly broke up eventually. I remember seeing him a few years later, and from what he'd said, mummy dear was still the same. I don't think they realise it's just ruining their kids lives really.
In your situation, I think I'd just take a step back and let him think about what he actually wants. There is no woman on this planet that would happily agree to live with MIL indefinately. Sod that. There shouldnt be more than two people in a relationship
For him to say, if his mums happy thats all that matters kinda says it all to me really. in asking you to marry him, you should be the one coming first.
He sounds very immature - I was too at that age, so dont think im trying to slate him, people just mature at different rates, but if his older brothers are still doing what mumm says, I think you might need a think about whether this is what you want to put up with for the rest of your life. I know I couldn't. I wouldnt have him saying this wedding is mine and mums way or not at all either.
Good luck with your chat later
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey
*Kelbel* is my wedding twinny!
CommentAuthorsarah
how is everything going? Have you been able to talk with him about this?
CommentAuthorBecca
Well,he cancelled our dinner date! I was furious, I decided its was my time to get everything I wanted to say in, so I did, i told him, I'm not entering a three way marriage, I will not have a three way relationship! He said he doesn't expect me too, he just can't leave his mum, he asked if we can postpone the wedding a year, I agreed, I wouldnt be able to marry him while I'm living at our home by myself cause his umbilical cord can't stretch that far just yet (told him that too) ... He doesn't want our relationship to end, I told him I won't stand for it, I'm not a doormat, if he doesn't see its weird to be almost 22 and basically attached to his mother's womb still hes not ready for this kind of commitment, and I don't deserve to be second best.
Unfortunately I bad to be harsh to get him to listen, we've postponed and its staying postponed until I see he actually wants to start a life with me. I felt awful but at least he knows how I feel now
