I can't take the stress and family arguments any more, it's supposed to be My wedding no the whole fricking family! It's supposed to be the day where i get married to the love of my life and we have an enjoyable day, i'm supposed to be enjoying my planning but i'm not, i'm hating it and i'm miserable all the time!
i'm sick of it so i'm cancelling until further notice and i decide what i want to do,
I'm heartbroken
Sorry ladies Rant over xx
CommentAuthorHunny Bunny
It can be a really stressful time for all involved, but your right it is your wedding at the end of the day...Cancelling your wedding is such a big deal, maybe sleep on it and have a deep and meaningful with your H2B, is there no way you can come to an understanding with your family or is that all too much? x
Met Dec 04~Engaged Feb 05~Finally getting married 3rd Sept
Start Weight ~ 08.03.11 *198lbs* Current weight 181lbs
lost 1st 4lbs !!!!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
If it is other people that are stressing you out and making it a bad time then take a deep breathe and plan the day your way and don't tell them what you are doing until the last minute or don't even invite them.
If its because of relationship problems then I would say then you are doing the right thing to take a breather until you work out what you want.
It would be such a shame to deny yourself and your h2b a wonderful wedding because of other people. This is your life your relationship and they can either like it or lump it but who are they to rule your life?
CommentAuthorlaurabrown83
You should just elope then u get to be married without the hassle and family problems x
CommentAuthorNishaVyas88
Aw, sweetie *hugs* I know the feeling- my fiance and I went through the same thing. We're just getting out of that now- you just need to stick to your guns on the things that are really important to you. Pick out the things that don't matter that much and let them deal with it- therefore they get to have some stuff but you have control over the elements that mean the most to you.
They mean well, but its a pain when people don't realise that their taste isn't the be all and end all. It can cause serious stress- I'll be lucky if I keep my hair by my wedding!
It's not my relationship Hun, my relationship couldn't be better. It's other people namely my P***ing stepmother! im just so stressed right now, also money is a very big issue at the moment :( i think i'm going to have make alot of alterations as i still want to get married this year, i've shortlisted the guest list already x
CommentAuthorHunny Bunny
I keep the mantra ' I carn't be held responsible for other peoples thoughts or feelings', it gets me through. Myself and my H2B are paying for our wedding so although we have taken other peoples feelings into acc, it's most definately our wedding! As time has got closer, we have also had to shave a few extras but it's more about compramise between ourselves. What is the issue with the SM?
Met Dec 04~Engaged Feb 05~Finally getting married 3rd Sept
Start Weight ~ 08.03.11 *198lbs* Current weight 181lbs
lost 1st 4lbs !!!!
CommentAuthorx~Hails~x
ELOPE!
UKBride moderator both on here and on facebook
For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart
It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
She doesn't want my mum sitting near my dad but she wont be left off the top table, she makes me feel like rubbish when ever i talk about the wedding, going on about how she did hers when she wed dad n what not
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I would say ignore the evil stepmother and use your energy to focus on your wedding rather than let her upset you.
Cut the guest list (that can include her hehe) work out what you can afford, where you can save money and then start planning your day the way you want it. Don't let her bitterness get you down! If you want to get married there will be a way of doing it. My friend asks her guests to pay for their meal rather than give gifts which meant they could book the venue of their choice and it didn't effect their budget. Either that or ask the guests that are coming to make a gift donation before the day to help put towards is rather than afterwards. £10 from 50 guests is £500 and most guests will give more than £10! Guests like to feel part of your day and like helping out.
CommentAuthorNishaVyas88
Just remind her that its your wedding, not hers. Can your dad not have a word with her? If he doesn't have an issue sitting near his ex, then she shouldn't either.
CommentAuthorNHR115
Why cancel for the sake of other peple hun? You're relationship is strong and ther wedding is what it is all about. Forget about the others, you will never please them all (I've learnt that all too well!). Show them that they can't tell you what to do and enjoy your day hun. xxx
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Tell her to grow up when she starts on you again. She is an adult and can cope without sitting next to your dad for an hour or so and its not like he is going to run away with your mum while she is sat glaring. Its your day not hers so put her in her place and if she doesn't like it then she can sit at home!
CommentAuthorGriff
Hun I'm so sorry to hear this! You need to rant at them all tell them exactly how you feel sit them all down together and just have a massive rant explaining why you have cancelled and halted all your plans that should open their eyes and get them off your back :) xx
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
I can't have my church as we simply can't afford it, now i'm wondering wether i should even bother getting a dress. i wish i could stop crying!
CommentAuthorNHR115
Is the church the most important thing or would you get married in a registry office? You could still do it hun and prove them all wrong. xxx
CommentAuthorFaeth
I agree with everyone else. Don't let other people upset you to the point of cancelling your wedding, when there is nothing wrong with your relationship with your h2b!
Weddings are enough stress to organise without unhelpful members of the family sticking their oar in, but you really have to try and let it wash over you.
Does she even know how much she's upsetting you? Perhaps she's a bit oblivious and keeps wading in with the stuff about her wedding in a misplaced effort to be helpful?
"Of course I'm not wedding obsessed!!"
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Don't give up hun you can do this! Someone posted before that BHS are having a sale on their bridal dresses and they are down to £60! Some of them are lush. I would say cut the evening venue down and have the church. You can legally get married there and then you can either have a house party/ pub lunch or go to a restaurant and let the guests pay for their own meal. You don't have to spend a fortune to have a lovely wedding.
CommentAuthorNicksbex
Awww hun that's harsh I had a similar problem as both my parents remarried but I told both the steps that the top table is for MY immediate family and as much as I loved them the were not going to be on the top table. If it is still really bad have you considered just having the 2 of you together and give each parent a table to host? Hope it all works out xxxx
I found my soul mate and Marry him this year!
CommentAuthor'ca'ca'ca
if your relationship is brilliant, dont let her take that away from you as well! your guests will probably be v willing to pay a contribution towards dinner etc as they all know how expensive and tough things can be. Dont let her ruin your day- if you want your mum & your dad aon the top table [as is your choice, and your right] just try to put them on either side; as in DAD&new partener - grandad - auntie/sister - best man - groom - bride - moh - grandad/grandma - newpartenr & MOM thats a top table off eleven. gdad etc were just examples to explain where you could put mum & dad :] Good luck <3 x
CommentAuthorHunny Bunny
Oh chick, I know i'm not alone in saying that we're all feeling for you. You need to do whats best for you, your relationship and your health are one of the many important things you need to be aware of. Weddings can be notoriously stressfull and upsetting - I should know as my nanna (who brought me up) will be on holiday when I get married, something for which I will never forgive her for, but it won't spoil my plans, it wont make any difference to my h2b and I, our wedding is for us and our family. I think you need to stay strong and focused as to what you and you fiance want... my thoughts are with you x
Met Dec 04~Engaged Feb 05~Finally getting married 3rd Sept
Start Weight ~ 08.03.11 *198lbs* Current weight 181lbs
lost 1st 4lbs !!!!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
You will get married the same day as me! We will find a way for you so come on kick yourself up the backside or us girls will do it for you x x x
CommentAuthorHunny Bunny
well said xjox
Met Dec 04~Engaged Feb 05~Finally getting married 3rd Sept
Start Weight ~ 08.03.11 *198lbs* Current weight 181lbs
lost 1st 4lbs !!!!
CommentAuthorkrisw86
dont cancel cos that means she has won. the way she going on means she wants u 2 cancel sweetie xx
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
I'm going to have a word with my wedding co-ordinator at the hotel tuesday and see what she says about having the whole thing there as i know they do weddings. i just hope there is a registrar free on the day x
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
To be honest I think it would be just as expensive to get them to come out as you have to pay about £400 to get them to come out to the venue. How much was it for the church? The cheapest option is to get married in the registry office which isn't a bad thing and some of them are really pretty. Either that or they do them in the town halls in some areas so check them out. My friend got married in a registry office and it was just the same as if she had got married in a hotel apart from they didn't charge them as much.
What are the most important things to you for your day? If you let us know some details then we can find ways to help you figure this all out :0)
CommentAuthorMrsH2B
As the other ladies have said Hun. This is YOUR (& h2b of course) day. Dont leg the witch get to you. My dads mrs is the same!!! You can do it. Ur on the verge of the rest of ur life don't let her take that away from you!!! xxx
Leave for Jamaica in 2days!!!
18/06/12 I'll become a wifey...I'll marry my best friend!!!
7 days to go!!!!
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
I just feel like i'm going to have a breakdown i can't think straight, i'm stroppy and getting stressy with the kids, it's all too much at the moment :S If i do have it at the hotel i won't need cars, i'm re-writting my whole guest list! my head feels like its going to explode
CommentAuthorlovelylainee
hugs babe n be strong - if you cancel you are giving up - keep to what you want n do things your way and if that means that she aint at top table n so on then stuff her - your big day and its meant to be the way that makes you n your man happy
You can do it hun and just rant at us if you get stressed cuz we all know how it feels and the closer it gets the more stressful it is - my mum is feeling it and she aint even got to do anything!
Best of luck xxx
I married the love of my life 23/06/2012
Our little boys are so cute!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
Ok take a deep breath and relax. This doesn't have to be sorted out tonight. Take a break and come back to it when you are not so wound up with the wicked witch of the west and you can think straight.
One step at a time and before you know it everything will be in place in time for the big day. If you read the sept thread there is another bride (sorry can't remember your name off hand) that hasn't even started doing half of what you have done already so stop worrying, relax and then learn to enjoy it. x x x
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
Thank-you girls i really don't know what i'd do without you all :'( i'm an emotional wreck, my grandparents had a pop at me as i wasnt having the local village hall and doing all the food myself! Then i've got the stepmother issue oh and i'veHAD to invite people from my dad's side of the family who i dont want there because it wasn't fair not to!?! God i'm surprised i have an hair left seriously!
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
It sounds to me like you need to stop doing what other people want you to do and sit and work out what you want. DON'T invite people if you don't want them there. Why should you pay for them to eat if you don't like them? If people tell you that they should be there tell them to chuffing pay for them because you aren't :0)
Its amazing how they soon pipe down then when they realise just how much it all costs and that you don't have a money tree in the bottom of the garden.
CommentAuthorlovelylainee
I know how that feels - i have the whole issue of keepingmine secret from my dad that I am not inviting half my family full stop! If you need to chat anytime babe just vent my way if you like - i have lots of family stress issues and people telling me what they think i should have - i keep telling people to back off cuz i didn't interfere when they got marriedso what gives them the right to do it to me!
Best of luck with the stepmum and as for your grandparents they will not be worried about where you have your reception when they see your big day - old people are funny about being traditional and doing things like they did xxx
I married the love of my life 23/06/2012
Our little boys are so cute!
CommentAuthormagpie
first things first just take a breath....this is your day to show the world how u and ure h2b feel about each other...cost isnt evrything cutting things out of the day wont ruin what its actually about and as for your stepmother shes not immediate family as someone has already mentioned and although its difficult u need to be strong with your h2b and tell her its your way or she isnt coming at all .maybe your dad can intervene at the end of the day you are his daughter and right or wrong you should be put first . you will have an amazing day im sure and you probably just need a few days to take a step back from wedding related things and just relax xxxx
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
Ok here are my choices, i've just done a bit of research............
£350 to have a registrar come to the hotel and do the Ceremony for us at 3.30 which is what i want as i don't particuarly want a sit down meal. £125 to get married in the ceremony room but means having to change wedding to a friday or have it mid-day which would mean a sit down meal and more expense on food or £225 to have it after mid-day Or 40 for registry office but thats only monday to friday :S
CommentAuthorclareabella
i had the same problem i said look its my wedding not urs if u dont wanna come u wont be missed the the people grow up and shut the f up
ooooo muchly love my mr c fletcher
CommentAuthorXLittleMissMe!X
I'm confused.... You can have the register come to your venue but then you can't use the room unless you change the day?
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
sorry Jo no i meant the ceremony room the registrar can use i another building dorset have 7 allocated ceremony rooms, not at the hotel, i wasn't very clear x
CommentAuthorfuture-mrs-watson
Could you get married in the registry office on a different day for the 'legal' side of it and then have a blessing at the church as the more weddingy bit on the day as I don't think they charge as much for that? xx
CommentAuthorlala "mod" bunni
Have a sweetheart table ......then tell the witch she can sit outside
hope everything works out for u hun weddings are stressful enough without people trying to throw a spanner in the works, its yours and h2bs wedding day so do it your way and dont look back, ive upset a few people along the way but at the end of the day its the way u want to do things good luck xx
CommentAuthorgreyarea
Hugs hun i hope things work out if family cause too much stress you could always get married without them
CommentAuthorMrs L 2b :)
I don't think family and weddings ever mix :(
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
I stayed up until 2am this morning crying, H2b didn't know what to do, he was very good, he actually sat down and helped me get things into perspective, he also has promised to help me much more now he's seen how it's been getting to me. I also only had a couple of hours sleep over 2 days from stressing so i think i was tired to say the least which didn't help
Anyhow after a lot of thought and discussion with him, We are keeping things the way they are, he said he'd be heartbroken for me if we cancelled the church, and it's what he wants too.
He told me he feels i'm trying to rush things, which if i'm honest with myself i think i am trying to do too much in one go, after all we do still have 8months!
as for the Stepmother issue i've decided to tell her she either likes it or lumps it, at the end of the day she's not my mother and shes only married to my dad.
I'd like to thank-you all for being so supportive, Jo No need to worry 17th of sept all the way, i've come to far to give it all up!
CommentAuthorMrsd
I was having same problems hun, now im getting married in registry office with just immediate family, iv not even sorted a reception, im thinking of m&s food at home...its our day and if no one likes it tough i dont care anymore. Big hugs hun hope you sort things out, but me doing it this way took all the stress away. xx
CommentAuthorGriff
Brilliant well done hun! We all have your back here so feel free to ask us for help anytime we will do all we can :) xxx
CommentAuthorUnknown
sorry to hear this but dont cancel yet. try and talk to h2b and your dad and explain the situation. i know what it feels like to have pressure from family to do things their way.
i had loads of people telling me what i should do and in the end i had enough and told everyone it was my wedding and i will do what i want.
if your dad wife is going to cause you stress tell her she isnt invited...i have done that to my dad's partner. they have been togther 2 years on and off now and treats my dad like dirt, i have only ever been in the same place as her once and she didnt even come and say hello so i told my dad she wasnt invited. he was upset about it but i said there was know way i am having my wedding ruined ny someone i dont like!! xx
CommentAuthorButterflyDreamer
Thanks Griff :D, I don't want you all to think i posted this for a bit of attention, I'm genuinely on the verge of a breakdown :( PND probably has something to do with it i think.
You ladies are so lovely i'm so glad i can come on here and know i have the support xx
CommentAuthorGriff
No worries hun even if you needed the attention in the stressful time of wedding planning we can understand that! Lots of love and hugs coming your way! But I think your h2b may be supplying lots of those allready, what a team! :) x
CommentAuthormomari
glad you dont cancel.deep breathe and plan the day your way .*hugs* x
