As the title says, we have had a massive hum dinger on the phone Friday night.

I will try to keep this brief to avoid boring you all but Dad & I are the only ones in the family to have a relationship, it is not your average Father, Daughter relationship, he has no respect for me, H2b or any of our ideas/choices

He has mentioned on numerous occassions that it will be all my mums side & my friends at the wedding (HELLO???) and that he wants lots of people there or he wont know anyone.
Mum & Dad are divorced but were married for almost 20yrs so he does know her side and although they do not stay in touch, they will speak to him on the day.
His family (albeit small) were all invited but only my aunt & uncle from USA are coming.

We politely told him time and time again that we are limited on day numbers due to the package but also due to the fact we only want family & close friends on OUR day.
When it came to evening invites, he asked for 4 couples, all of whom I have met plus 1 couple Neither H2B or I have ever met or even heard of so we said no to them but ok for the other 8.

At this time, Dad mentioned his old friend (mum & dad's friend from when they were first married) had a spanish girlfriend & they have just moved to UK, she also has a 16yr old daughter that will be coming.
At this point we said no, she is not invited, the partner yes but not the daughter. We dont know her and we also dont have anyone of that age group at our wedding.

On Friday, Dad calls to tell me that this girl is coming with her mum & dad's friend. I again stood my ground and said NO, she was not invited, we had discussed this and H2B & I were not at all happy.
This is where the huge argument started.
Dad called me a drama queen, pathetic and ridiculous that I feel if this girl comes it would ruin my whole day
I never said anything of the sort

The row went on for over 20 minutes with Dad screaming at me. I stood firm and he sent me a text message on Saturday night to say that none of them were now attending.
I replied to thank him for letting me know and have heard nothing since.

Today, a letter arrives from this friend
To apologise for not sending the rsvp back to us (he text dad to say he was coming) with the move from spain to uk & new job he misplaced the invite. Fair enough

Then that he incorrectly assumed that it would be ok to bring his 16yr old step daughter to the reception. As they do not have anyone to watch her for the night (they are not local & would have to stay over) then they will be unable to attend.
It goes on to say can I please say Hello to my mum & sis as it has been so many years since he last saw them.

There is none of his details on this letter so I have now text my dad, for his mobile number so I can thank him for the letter, apologise for the misunderstanding and inform him Dad & I did discuss his step daughter before the invites were sent and I made Dad aware the invite was for Stevie & his partner.
Nothing from Dad yet........he will be sulking with me.

So that is a huge post but just need some other brides opinions on this please.
We are having a small wedding 48 day adults, 8 children for the entire wedding (our children, nieces & nephews only, eldest 12, youngest 5) and an extra 30-40 people in the evening
Wedding funded by us and a 10 year wait for it!

Good on you for standing your ground!!! It's your day, do what you want. You certainly shouldn't have to pay for people you don't know!

My h2b keeps putting people's oh's on the guest list and we've never met them so I cross them off. I'm not having people I don't know there, I can't afford to have people who don't know me and mine and h2bs relationship so they won't be there :)

As for your dad, I'm sure he'll come round. A father shouldn't miss his daughters wedding.

Oh and why can't the 16 year old be trusted to stay at home, she's nearly an adult. My mum left me at home for a week when she took my three younger brothers on holiday when I was 16, okay I was a mature child but surely she'll be okay for one night :/ xx

People do try to be manipulative and try to make you feel sorry for them. Don't take the bait lol!

I think I'd she came she'd just feel awkward anyway. She won't be able to mingle and will just sit there?

She could stay in the room, but I think I'd rather bein my own home. And if she gets bored and wants to participate and comes down. Hmmm, tricky one xx

Oh yeah, I'd reply and I'm sure that they'd understand, that weddings are not cheap!!
We're not having work colleagues either, oh works in a garage with his best friend who's his best man. He's the only one who's coming.
I agree with only having special people, you don't want to have to make the effort to get to know people on your wedding day!!

I feel quite proud of u for standing up to him! Too many couples lt their parents get away with inviting everyone from china lol! Definitely don't back down,ur dad needs to be out in his place for the wedding and realise he can't just invite whoever x

Awww Thanks Kel Bel!!!
I too feel proud of myself as I have never stood up to him before and he is a bit of a bully so I think he got a shock too!
He was clearly expecting me to just accept it

At one point in the phone call, I did say "So am I just expected to put up & shut up??" ha ha

He has not replied to my text requesting the friends mobile number!!

Well done hun, this is whats im not looking forward to with my fmil saying we should invite this person and that person thet we don't know!

Good on you for standing your ground, it's YOUR day and your dad should respect your decisions. Xxx

Thank you all

It really has put in into even more perspective that all you future brides feel exactly as I do!

Thanks

Dad has just text me with the number, literally that is all! No other message or even a kiss! (GROW UP!)

So below is what I am sending to his friend in response to the letter......

Hi, It's Elle
Thank you for your letter and best wishes and we completely understand the upheaval of a house move, let alone a country move!
I am sorry you are unable to make it the reception, Dad and I did have a discussion about it before the invites were sent and I told him at that point the evening reception is strictly adults only. I do apologise if that message was not passed onto you & Ceci.
Thanks again for your congratulations and well wishes

Is that ok do you think?

Thank you

Dad is a very childish man, I do not expect to hear from him before the wedding!

Really?? Do you not think he'll come to your wedding? X

Thanks girls, He will come Karen, just wont hear anything from him before hand!

So, I sent the message, this was the response

Elle, it's not a problem, I totally understand. Your dad is probably like me and forgets the little details. If I had known earlier I may of managed to get my mum down to stay with XXXX as I think she is too young to be left alone overnight having only just moved here.
That said, have a great day and I wish you both well xxx


So this made me a little annoyed as Dad did not forget the little details, he just did not mention XXXX was not invited!!
Had Steve of known earlier........well, again if my Dad had not been such an immature child about all this, the guy would of known 6 weeks ago and been able to arrange something!!! GRRRRRR

So I replied to say he still has time to try and get something sorted as we have not provided final number for eve reception as of yet and we have not removed him & partner from the list.
He is going to see what he can do and is not going to cancel the hotel room at this stage.

Hopefully he & his partner can make it after all this unnecessary stress and guilt!!!

It is difficult, and it sounds like your dads cut his nose off to spite his face - I can completely understand not want to leave a sixteen year old alone overnight, particularly in a situation where her parents will be away drinking so not able to rush back at short notice...so your dad has ruined it for himself by not making it clearer earlier xx

It is so difficult standing up to your dad. I had a fallout with my dad a few weeks ago. And the first time ever I stood up to him. At first I felt guilty and then felt good that I was able to stand my ground and say what I wanted. My dad sounds very much like yours too. Sometimes you just have to clear the air.
Xx

I'm glad they're still going to try and come for you, hopefully your dad will learn from his mistakes xx