I found this on another site:

First off I am a bridesmaid not a bride.

My best friend asked me to be bridesmaid and of course I said yes, my other half is best man as well, there is 6 bridemaids with her younger sister as MOH.

The first thing we were asked to pay for we're out dresses, the bride had fallen in love with some expensive one and I said I would be happy to pay half as I would have to buy a dress bridesmaid or not, this came to £100 a few of the other bridesmaids had a problem but eventually paid up, I raised a concern that the dresses were chosen in the summer and were strapless chiffon maxi dresses and the wedding is in December, the bride joked that we will be her something blue.

Now another bridesmaid had complained that we are going to be very cold as its a long wedding service with photos in the church yard and we have no coats or shawls, the bride said she wasn't buying anything to go with the dresses if we want something buy it out selves, ok as we don't want to freeze we have brought shrugs to cover our arms.

Then the bride told us we all had to buy our own shoes, I sai again happy to do that as long as thy ate shoes I can wear again, she has picked £60 silk ivory shoes, I don't know when I am ever going to wear bridal shoes again.

Then had a email of how she wants our make up done the same and that will cost another £40

Then hair which a friend of hers will do for £25 each

We all have to buy matching jewellery I don't know how much that is yet but let's say £30?

And the dresses bed alterations so I offered my MIL as he used to be a dress maker, but she wants a lady her mum found in the paper to do it, and yes we have I pay our selves, £30.

I was thrilled to be bridesmaid but I now wish I had said no as I am not long off of maternity leave and money is really tight, if I had known it was going to cost a small fortune then I would of declined, I wish I had known this sooner.

As she is the one who asked me to be bridesmaid I feel a little miffed now that it has turned into me paying for the privileged of saying yes, I don't mind paying for parts but its getting silly now, he has booked for all the bridesmaids to stay at the hotel the night before so we can all get ready in the morning, I now expecting a bill for this, even though we haven't been given a choice wether to stay or not as yet.

So my question is, how much would you expect your bridesmaids to pay for?
And she has asked for money how much should we give?

Sorry to rant I'm just stressing about how I'm going to afford all this and pay for stag and hen weekends as well shortly followed by Xmas.

(Personally when I asked my Bms to be bms, I let them know upfront that I cannot afford to pay for there dresses/shoes etc. They were fine with this, and I said I would do my best to not choose the most expensive or anything. I have even decided to try and make the Bm dresses myself to keep costs down for them, so this seems really extreme to me )

I've gone with the rule if, if I want it pay for it..
I.e. I wanted the dresses for them and their hair a particular way..so I'm paying for their hair and dresses.
I don't care about their make up, so they can pay themselves or do it themselves! :)

Wowzas, that bride is tooooo much! I've paid for dresses and will pay for hair and makeup. They are paying for their shoes because as long as they are tasteful I don't care! Other than the hen, they don't have any other costs!

Wow. I wouldn't have dreamt of making my BM's pay out so much. I paid for their dresses but they bought their own shoes but I was happy for them to choose what they wanted so they could wear them again. I gave them jewellery as their thank you present. My Vegas MoH wanted her hair and make up doing with me on the morning of the wedding and was happy to pay the additional £30 for that (and refused to let me pay for it!) and my London BM did her own make up - I was going to pay for her to have hers done but she couldn't make it to London in time and was happy to do her own (she has very short cropped hair so that didn't really need styling).

My mum paid for my dress when I was BM for my cousin, an my cousin is now paying for her daughters dress!

I am not expecting my bridesmaids to pay no where near that much! I want my bridesmaids to look forward to the day and not get stressed out over finances. It sounds like the bride wants a huge high-budget wedding, without the budget to pay for it.

Wowza!! That's quite a lot to pay for?? Like someone else said we all have different budgets,but maybe she should have said from the start that the bms would be paying for the lot!! I'm quite lucky I've got 3 bms under 10 and my best friend who's my moh!! The 3 younger ones have matching dresses and jewellery and I will be buying shoes nearer the time,hair is being done by a friend and my moh is in a different dress,with the same jewellery as the little bms and hair again will be the same as them but an adults version (one of those doughnut bin things) we haven't got her shoes yet and make up for her I'm not fussed about!! It's mine and oh wedding and yes we are on a tight budget but if I couldn't afford bms I wouldn't have asked them-I think it's acceptable to ask to pay for a few things not the whole lot!!! But that's my opinion-each to there own X

I think that bride is a bit extreme anything I want I'm paying for such as dress and shoes, but hair and make up ect doesn't bother me so there all doing there own. I think that's a lot for bridesmaids to pay though x

I've paid for everything except for my moh, she's paid for her own and that was her own choice though... I think there is a limit of what u can ask your bms to pay for...

I asked my girls to pay for shoes (see my thread as that wet t!ts up), makeup and a good strapless bra x

I think the bride should pay, but I also believe that if the bride pays, then she owns the dresses (if she wants to re-sell them afterwards), not the bridesmaids.

I'm with Crawf: I think that if a bride/couple wants anything specific, they should pay, no ifs, no buts.

In our case, we're paying for their dresses and alterations, and flowers, and I'll be getting them a gift; each bridesmaid is costing us about £280.

They've bought their own shoes: they did buy matching ones, but I didn't request that they do. I was happy for them to wear something they already owned and wasn't fussed on colour or style (their dresses are long); if I'd wanted something specific I'd have paid.

They're doing their own hair and make-up too; again, if I wanted a certain look, or wanted it doing professionally, I would pay.

The only way I'd have been OK with them getting their own dresses would have been if I'd said 'just wear a black dress', as they all already own black dresses, so could wear something they have already. I absolutely would not be comfortable asking them to pay for anything that I chose.

I am working to a very tight budget. I have told both my moh and bridesmaid that i can only afford to spend £80 each on them. Therefore if when we look at dresses if they want to go over that and put the money to that its fine, if its under £80 the money can be used towards their shoes. I think its only fair im not having an expensive wedding dress nor expensive suits for the groom or best man. x

Wow! What a demanding Bride! I am surprised she has any BM's left!

I have 6 BM's and have paid/will be paying for their;

Dress
Hair
Make Up
Jewellery (part of their BM Gift)
Flowers
Travel to the venue
Other BM gifts

Think it works out at around £200ish a BM

In terms of shoes I have said they can wear whatever shows they like (I have Maxi dresses so they will not be seen) plus, they know what shoes they feel comfortable in and its up to them whether they decide to buy new shoes or go with shoes they already have. My CBM will be wearing shoes she wore as a BM for her sister and that's fine by me also!

Susie - I had the same thought about her bowing out now but then thought she's already paid for everything in terms of dress, shoes, hair and alterations etc so it would just be money wasted to not see it through now.

Any idea how much the hen do will cost? If its just a one night thing then you can easily go out without breaking the bank. If its a weekend or longer then I personally would actually consider not going, not to hurt or upset her but to make her realise that you're not made of money and it would have been fine it weren't for having to fork out for all the other stuff too.

Given how much the bride is expecting the BMs to pay so far, would anyone be surprised if she turned around and said she also wanted them to cover the cost of their own meals on the big day?

Wow! How unfair of her!

I originally had 3 bms and now have 2 due to circumstances. I said from the off I could afford £300 in totals for the dresses, ideally I wanted the 3 dresses to match, or at the least to be in the sAme colour and material. The girls chose a long dress, so shoes isn't an issue. Having only one had 2 Bm's the dresses I liked, and the ones they liked were £170, and £190 (extra length) each. If agreed I'll pay for the dresses and their hair (though I want their help with a chosen style). They can wear whatever shoes they want, as they are hidden. And I'll pay for hair. They can pay £20 for their make up if they want, but I'm happy for them to do this themselves. I've bought broaches to go on the shoulder of the dress, an will buy them a present. I have agreed that they will pay for their alterations.and hen do.

I'm hoping I don't need something to keep them warm. This hasn't come up win an April wedding.

I think the bride should have been upfront with you all, she is demanding a lot, and it's unfair if this wasn't discussed initially.

For my bridesmaids I pay for their dress & shoes but they did own hair & make up as I wasn't really bothered how they had it, but my friends wedding where I was breudesmaid I paid for everything.. So I got to pick what to wear in the colour she wanted...luckily I got it all cheap lol I didn't even have flowers to walk down the aisle at her wedding as she didn't have a big budget.. Or drinks for a toast lol but it was a lovely still .

I will be making my bms dresses and thay said they would give me the money for the material which will max be £20, they can wear there own shoes as the dresses are floor length. Will buy them jewlery as there thank you gift. I would like them to get there hair and make up done with me as I want them to look there best and I know one hates her pic being taken and says shes rubbish on doing make up but have to look into how much it will cost, one of them has quite short hair at the moment, may ask her (only if she feels comfortable) if she wants to grow it out a little bit so hairdressers have a bit more to play with. Like I said before I was very upfront with the girls when I asked them that I am on a tight budget and cannot really afford the dresses and whether they would, but am very conscious of the price and when I fell in love with the Birds of two dresses at £200+ each, found some cheaper alternatives but still over £130+ so found the pattern and Im going to make them myself.

I have two bridesmaids and although we haven't really started planning that much yet I am not intending on having them pay for anything, I'll buy their dresses, unless they offer to pay (won't turn them down as weddings are expensive lol) but I would not expect them to pay for them. I'll also buy any head dresses we decide they should have. I think I'll ask them to do their own hair and make-up.... but I will look at a quote for someone to do all three of us and my mum (for hair anyway). I'm planning on just asking them to wear their own black shoes and simple jewellery, that way they can choose whether to buy new or wear what they have and pick what they feel comfortable in.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses, alterations, hair and makeup plus treated them to a number of lunches and afternoon tea at a 5 star hotel in London. And for our first wedding trip I got them each a box of champagne truffles from an expensive chocolatier.

They wore their own black shoes/sandals and their own jewellery.

They did treat me too, the only thing on my Hen weekend I had to pay for were my spa treatments, everything else including hotel stay were sorted.

My mum is buying my cousins and my daughters bridesmaid dresses so I've just got the other 2 oh h2b's side if the family I'm thinking for the 2 adults I will just buy their dresses and they can do their own shoes and jewellery and my cousin bridesmaid is a hairdresser so she's doing the hair anyway for all of us.
For the 2 younger ones I will buy dresses and shoes as I want them to match x

It's infair of any bride to expect her BM's to shell out so much..... The author of the rant doesn't say whether she and the other BM's have protested any of the cost though. I for one would have, especially being so close to Xmas, that's running into hundreds of pounds. Bride sounds very unreasonable, but bridesmaids should of also tried to reign her in and tell her she either pays as she's dictating what they wear, or they wear what they want (within reason, naturally)

Edit* forgot to answer the question lol

I'm trying to find a solution myself and the girls a happy with. I know I won't ask them to pay the earth regardless if they end up paying for something themselves.

I'm planning on paying for my bridesmaids dresses, I only have two bridesmaids as I don't think its fair to expect them to pay for everything. If I have enough money after we have everything else I'd like to pay for their make-up and hair, I've mentioned this to one of them and she said she'll pay for her own hair and do her own make-up.

If we can't afford to get them shoes, I'll ask them to wear a certain colour and they can wear whichever they choose-either new or ones they already have, I'd like to get them some jewellery as a present to wear on the day as well.

thats a hell of alot!! im buying my bms dresses but thats it ive told them to get their own shoes n if they dont want to buy new ones then pick a long dress so you cant see them lol (yes im letting them pick their dress) im doing their hairs as im a qualified hairdresser and it wont take melong, alot of hairsray and theyll be fine lol ive told them if they want their make up doing they can pay for their own, otherwise do it themselves, so basically all in all they dont have to cough up anything if they dont want to theyve been given the choice but its upto them if they want to or not xx

That is a lot, to be honest if I was told which dress, shoes etc to have then I would not expect to have to pay for them.

I chose some dresses that I liked the look of, and then my bridesmaids got to choose which they liked ourt of them (if they hadn't liked any then we would have gone to other places) and then I paid for them. I said black shoes to them so they could choose to wear a pair they already owned. I paid for the make-up, but said the the lady to ask each one how they wanted to look. I took pashminas (different colors) to the venue on the day so they could wear them if they wanted to (and they did). I had no say in their hair as I wanted them to be comfortable, some went to a hairdresser's and some did their own. I asked my MOH to wear a specific headband which matched mine, but bought it and gave it to her.

As a bridesmaid, I would be prepared to pay towrds stuff if I was allowed a choice, but to be told what to have and then be expected to pay for it? No way.

I had 2 bm's and a fg I paid for their dresses wraps hair makeup and shoes except for the fg's shoes her mum bought those for her. as the 2 bm's were my nieces and the eldest only 16 at the time I wouldn't have expected them to pay anything. One niece already had shoes from being bm to my son in the June so I just bought the other one the same shoes!!!!