What do you guys know about the etiquette of, or even just the best or usual ways a groom deals with having two bestmen?
Is it normal for the groom to have both bestmen make a speech?
H2b is bestman to his cousins wedding and his cousin also has his friend as his other bestman. H2b doesn't know the other bestman very well at all, they don't have contact with each other or anything like that. Originally h2b was told he had to do the speech cause the other bestman didn't want to do one. Then yesterday the groom/cousin drops it into causal conversation that his other bestman has his speech all worked out, and went on to act as though he still expected h2b to do a speech.
So now I'm wondering how the best way of having two bestmen should work, is it better to split up the duties where one is in charge of rings and the other makes a speech? Or can they look after one ring each and both make a speech? H2b is going to talk to his cousin about who's doing what but it might be helpful if I can arm him with some ideas because I fear the groom doesn't actually have a clue.
Opinions?
Thanks :)
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorLulu1388
Ive only ever been to one wedding where there were 2 best men, not quite sure what their separate roles were regarding rings etc, but they were both best mates with the groom obv knew each other really well, all had grown up together etc, and they did a joint speech rather than 2 separate ones... Not quite sure how it would work with 2 best men that dont know each other, unlesss your H2B can get in contact with the other 1 and work it out between them from there? xx
Every Once In a While In The Middle of an Ordinary Life
. . . Love Gives Us a Fairytale. . .
CommentAuthorPB
My Husband had 2 best men (both his brothers) One held the rings and the other did a speech (we said they could both speak if they wanted to but one was too shy) They shared all other duties equally .It worked well,hope that helps xxx
CommentAuthorOfficially Mrs M
when my hubby's brother got married he had two best men but they did the speech together
8th September 2012 I married my best friend
1st September 2014 our little family grew by one
Women are made to be loved, not understood. - Oscar Wilde
CommentAuthorMrs-Mouse-2-be
What's normal though these days? In our family its expected that the bestman says a few welcoming words after dinner, thanks everyone for attending etc and then introduces the father of the bride. The father of the bride makes a speech, then the best man stands up to introduce the father of the groom. The father of the groom then makes a speech and the best man then makes his own speech. Sometimes he asks the groom to say a few words but sometimes not. Then the cards and letters of absentee guests are read out and then the best man toasts to the bridesmaids, the mothers of the bride and groom and lastly he toasts the bride and groom.
However, my wedding will be different. Our best man is rather shy and knows no one apart from us. My dad will most likely welcome the guests and introduce his own speech. My fiance's father might not be there as he will be 79 when the time comes and he's in ill health at the minute, so his speech may be skipped. My fiancé's brother whispers when he talks so pointless asking him to stand in. Anyway then if the best man is up to it he might say a few words about my fiancé and make a toast but if he doesn't thats ok, someone else will do it, likely my dad or my brother. So anyway my point is you can have as many guys speaking as you want so long as they are all comfortable with doing a speech and/ or toasts etc. Besides these days anything goes. What I would suggest however is if you are having more than one speech, don't make them too long and always use a good dollop of humour :-)
Ok sorry to rabbit on but my dad never writes out his own speeches he just grabs the mic and starts nattering away lmao it's so funny :-)
My H2B has three men - two mates and his brother. they are collaborating for the speech,but only one delivering it. Another will be the master of ceremonies for the day (i.e. hearding family to where they should be, announcing arrival of the bride etc), the other will be organising the stag do. Unofficial duties will be drunk person alert (to take them outside for fresh air), and keeping my dad/step dad apart, although I'm not advertising those roles to the rest of the guests! Oh, and the witnesses haven't been chosen yet, so theres the potential to ask one of them to be one if the have an otherwise low-key role on the day
CommentAuthorEleanorR
I would ask for the other bm's contact details, then ask him to send a copy of his speech if it's finished. Then he can do a different one without repeating, maybe more family based?
CommentAuthorMrsK2b
My best friend got married and he had two best men, they were all brothers, and they did one each.
Cant wait until I become Mrs K
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
omg im so glad someone has done a thread on this! my h2b and i are having some words atm because he wants 4 yes 4!!! best men!!! its driving me crazy! tbh im gonna treat them as 3 ushers and 1 best man and just give them all the name "best man" its driving.me.mad!
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorlizzylou
My h2b was a joint Bestman with someone else and they both did a speech - they consulted each other on what they were both going to say so that they didn't repeat think and they divided the thank yous in two. They also timed it so that it was an average length speech for one person - just given by two , that way they made sure it didn't go on loads and get boring.
I think your H2b will have to contact the other best man, as uncomfortable as it may be if he doesn't really know him, get his details of the cousin and perhaps just email him rather than talk to him that's less scary. Ideally the groom should have done this already but he sounds like he doesn't have much idea so your h2b will need to be the grown up and take matters into his own hands. Better to do that now then for him to feel awkward on the day. x
Lizzy. x
CommentAuthorJillianL47
We've actually got 3 best men. My H2B's brother is the first. He is coming from abroad to do all the church-responsibilities. However, he's quite shy and due to the distance, my H2B's 2 best mates are the other 2 beat men. They are organising the stag do and performing a joint speech.
CommentAuthorLegoWife
I think you're all right that h2b is going to have to find out what the other bestman's speech is all about if the groom expects him to do a speech as well. Email is a good idea Lizzy :)
~Wedding made of Lego~
*Married 30/03/13*
CommentAuthorGlitterfairy
I told hubby it would be nice to have his 12 year old son as a best man as he did not have a role at the wedding but also suggested an adult one as well to help organise things so he had two.
Our wedding day - 6 October 2012
CommentAuthorSarahB43
My h2b was best man with someone else at a wedding last year and they both did a speech and compared them the night before to make sure they didn't say the same things, very organised! He wants 3 best men for our wedding in 6 months but hasn't even asked any of them yet. I've been trying to put my foot down because I thought 3 was a bit much but after reading this I might just let him get on with it.
CommentAuthorKathleenJ
I have got 2 maids of honour... I don't see why you couldn't have two best men :)
CommentAuthorHelenW
My brother in law had two best men but they were both his brothers so knew each other really well! The speech was done by both of them together and it was fab..but it had been well planned and practised! Not sure having two best men saying two different speechs would be ideal as stuff could be duplicated! Im sure they both have different memories with the groom, but the standard - thank everyone for coming and doesnt the bride look amazing, would only need to be said once.. Could they maybe get in contact and see whos saying what in the speeches? I know you said they dont know each other very well, but book of face if they both have it is simple enough? xx
"Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary
life, love gives us a fairy tale"
CommentAuthorNaomiH25
my H2B is having 2 best men mainly due to his best friend, ie '1st' best man, he suffers from cerebral palsy and has severe stutter/stammer. His '2nd' Best man (brother) is going to read '1st' Best man speech which i think is really thoughtful of H2B as they have been best friends since they were like 5 years old.
met in August 2003 - the year we finished school
back in touch on 19/1/11, finally got together on 27/3/11
Engaged on 30/08/12 during a Slash Concert in Perth
Mrs Dalby on 27/12/13
