Hi everyone, I'm having a major dilemma with my older sister (I'm 21 she is 27) about the wedding date and I was looking for some objective advice, and i will endeavour to give the story as evenly as possible.
My fiance and I got engaged in August this year, and did not immediately set a date due to a number of factors - I am in the middle of studying medicine at university which not only is rather stessful at times but obviously time off is non-negotiable, there are set times (I think you will agree with me that only the summer period of 6 weeks is actually long enough for last minute wedding stuff, the actuall wedding and then the honeymoon as opposed to the 2 weeks at easter and christmas), so I needed to work out the best time, and what we could afford. We told people we were THINKING of at least 2 years for this reason. Late on last week Stephen (my fiance) found out that he would be receiving some money sooner than he expected and that it was highly likely we would be able to the wedding for next summer, which would be ideal as the further into the course I get, the more demanding it gets. On Saturday I tried on a wedding dress for the first time and was so excited, and steve's sister and mother loved it and encouraged us that next year was feasible, everything seemed to be falling into place, even when I checked the much sought after venue that we wanted to see if there was a date available next summer my birthday 29th July was available, we thought everything was right - the timing, the venue, the dress, the family encouragement, the finances all being suddenly sorted out just seemed like a sign to us, so Monday morning I PROVISIONALLY booked the venue.

My older sister got engaged half way through September, and had been saying that she wanted to get married next summer, I am sorry if this offends anyone but I didn't think for one second her getting married next year would mean that I couldn't, I never even thought that I would have to all of a sudden start factoring in their wedding, I felt I already had enough to think about, I was really excited that they were engaged. On Sunday they provisionally booked a venue for 20 August next summer, this is the day before i booked a venue, and I knew that they had their date but I didn't see this as a problem.

Obviously I told my sister on Monday night that I'd finally managed to set a date - she and her fiance are not happy "I have sh*t on their wedding", they told me how excited they were on Sunday going over wedding plans and then to hear that steve and i had booked a venue for 3 weeks before think that we have done something very harsh, please tell me honestly what you think about this situation, they have basically said that we can't both get married next year, one of us has to change our date, and they will be very unhappy if it has to be them (I actually don't think anyone needs to change a date but am having trouble getting this idea across)

Please tell me what you think, I'm in crisis, I do not want to fall out with my sister or her fiance!!

I don't see why you have to change your date.
You can both getting married in the same year even if you are 3 weeks before.

You have to think it's your wedding too, i would of thought it would of been exciting at least there would be someone else to get stressed with!

Maybe just you and her have to have a talk and tell her how you feel.

I do see why her kneejerk reaction was to get mad, there has been many a bride on here that have felt like someone else is stealing their thunder when they first find out that someone else to them is having a wedding close to theirs, but many of them when they calm down realise they are being unreasonble, and hopefully ur sister will too, if you can afford to get married, and its the right and most convienant time for you to get married then do it, ur both as important as each other.

Im with Mrs Hall2b, I cant see why u cant both enjoy the planning and excitement of next year :D Im having mine in Sept and wanna join your little planning group :D xx

I don't think both of you getting married in the same year is problem, i understand her concern but there is three weeks between. they only problem would be overlap of guests and not to be to similar with factors in the wedding

You need to sit down and have a chat work out why it is a problem.

hummmm weddings are tricky. sounds like you had a lot of factors to factor in. you need to chat with your sister exsplain why the date is right for you. say that you are not trying to thunder steal that you wedding is going to be very different to hers.

If you had already booked the date for next year would she have waited til the year after??? Think it's simply a matter of her wanting to get excited over both the wedding prep seperatley if you know what I mean.

As has been said, this just means you can do it all together and help each other out with stuff.

Congrats everything by the way :oD

i agree, there is no reason why you cant both get married.

i have to say i was annoyed when my H2bs sister decided to get marrried 6 months before us but that was more because everything is like a competition with them and it annoys me,i had said all along she would do it,

but im over it now, our weddings will be different cos we are keeping everything quiet from them no matter what she asks,. :) just relax and talk to her hun:)

One thing to consider that she might be worried that guests coming in from far out of town might only want to come in once, and they might come in for your wedding because it is first. You might want to think about this because if it's likely to be an issue it could be a genuine problem for your sister, it is not fair if family is not going to come to her wedding because you booked yours right in front of it!

I think this is probably only an issue for a minority of families though, so hopefully everything will work out fine.

nothing much more to say here to be honest didnt want to read and run

she has to understand that ur on a v.demanding uni course and it would be difficult for you and h2b to set a date coz ur time will soon be taken up with studying xx

This happened to my friend and her younger sister got married 6 weeks before her. She was furious, but when it came down to it, it was really because she was the older sister and thought she should have been first to marry! Should've got her skates on then shouldn't she?! I think your sister will come round eventually, might just need to get used to the idea first. I would suggest trying to have different themes and meals and things though if you could? Might end up like that film, 'Bride Wars'!

I'd say if it's not a problem for your parents, and you aren't puting people to too much expense then it should be fine.

As a guest if I were being expected to spend a lot of money on accommodation, money on the day, presents and outfits then that's all i'd be miffed about.

You can each make your wedding your own though so they aren't compared and still each enjoy your day.

xx

Since when was j e r k such an offence word it needed to be **** out? X

Firstly congratulations to you both...... Secondly i don't think this should be a problem if anything you could both help eachother plan both weddings and take the pressure off eachother a bit. You need to sit down with your sister and have a really good chat. Try to see it as a positive..... I have a close friend that got engaged less than a year ago and is now already married and here i am getting married next year after being engaged for 11 years, i didn't have a problem with this as everyone has their reasons for marrying quick or taking their time....... Hope you manage to find level ground on this matter xxx

I agree with the others that you need to talk to your sister and explain what you have done and why and that it wasn't done to steal her thunder as you didn't even know what she was up to. Your not a mind reader so can't predict what they are doing. At the end of the day your wedding is yours and hers is hers no matter how far apart the dates are. You can either make it work or fall out over it. Personally I don't think either of you need to change anything and should be able to sort it out without making date changes. Its all about good communication.

If it was my sister I wouldnt be bothered. I have been engaged for 3 1/2 years and she only got engaged this january but if she got married before me, so what? I even suggested we should have a double wedding, until I realised that meant having her h2b's family at my wedding and thought to myself "no way!" lol

Talk to her, ask her to understand that your day is as important as hers and that it has significant meaning cos its also your birthday and if she is really bothered by the time gap then she should change her date because you dont have a problem with it.

I do understand why she may be feeling a bit peed off though, you havent been planning your wedding for the fore-seable future and all of a sudden she books a date then you do, cos you want to get married before her. That may not be the case but thats what she will be thinking xxx

Why don't you suggest a joint wedding, that way you're showing her that you're not raining on her parade ... at the end of the day YOU were the one that was making wedding plans FIRST, albeit you hadn't decided on your date , so I don't think your sister has any right to say to you what she did

((( big hugs )))

I don't see the problem it is 3 weeks before not a week before and if it feels right go for it she'll get over it x