First off, hi :) I'm new here but have been reading compulsively since I joined! Our wedding is in October and we're just getting stuck in to the nitty gritty of the planning, and although I'm excited and enjoying it, there's some massive headaches. Mostly around the guest list and numbers, but I'm jusy gonna have to be firm with people (and myself!) I think.

The main issue is my dad. We get on well and I love him to bits, but as a result of an unpleasant childhood he has some issues around food. Basically, he can't eat 'out' (restaurants, cafes, even fast food places) and he has a very limited range of what he *does* eat - bacon,crisps, bread products, chips and yorkshire puddings are his staples. Unfortunately (for him), the package we've got for the wedding includes a 3 course sit down meal which he won't be able to eat. I feel really bad about this, because his options are to either sit there through the meal and be asked why he's not eating, or go into one of the other rooms (the bar, probably) and be asked why he's not joining everyone else. BUT, on the other hand, we got a good price on the package, we love everything about our venue and to be honest I'm quite looking forward to the meal so wouldn't want to change it to a buffet, even if we could which I don't think we can (we're having a buffet on the evening, and it includes bacon sandwiches, which is largely a concession to my dad). The thing is, he's really stressed about it and keeps giving me guilt trips; today he said he'd been telling his mum that he was angry I was having a meal (note: he didn't tell me directly he was upset, he just reported the conversation they had) and how much pressure he was getting off his family to stay in the room (some of them know what he's like, but many don't). He hates weddings, and I know he's dreading mine; he's been making jokes about splitting us up and cutting up my dress (which has been living in his wardrobe) and I know they're just jokes but I think there's definitely an undercurrent of truth there...I'm doing everything I can to reassure him, have told him he can sit wherever he will feel comfortable (top table or with his family) and that he doesn't have to make a speech, but he's driving me a bit mad with the guilt trips!

Argh, just wanted to vent really. Am I right not to change the plan to accommodate him? I have 50 other guests to think about too...

Firstly welcome! Secondly, I definately think you should not change your plan to accommodate him but I would approach your venue and ask them to do a different meal for him by explaining the situation. Most venues will do a one off meal for just a couple of guests who will not eat your choice but under the circumstances I cant see why they could not do something for him. I definately think you need to ask him to stop trying to make you feel guilty though...I know he sees them as jokes but as you say they are not funny! Good luck!

Maybe if you speak to your venue and explain the situation they could do him something different? It sounds like it'd be cheaper than a standard three courser anyway so surely they could give him something off the bar menu... under 'special dietary requirements'. I wouldnt change the whole menu for him, but they should be able to do something - he is FOB after all x

ryhope - thanks! It might be worth asking, but he really doesn't eat anything approaching 'proper' food; it would probably just have to be a plate of chips. Not sure whether that would make him feel better or worse, but I could always ask him! I'm biting my tongue on the guilt trip things, my sister gets it much worse than me so I'm just counting my blessings really...

To be honest its YOUR day and he needs to fit in around you. He should certainly not be making you feel guilty just because you are having a proper sit down meal! Sounds very selfish to me to get angry about your arrangements, its a day for YOU not for him. Have a word with the venue and see if they can make him an alternative meal, maybe a posh chip butty? Try not to get to wound up about it. x

The thing is, I still don't think he'll eat anything we do, because of his eating in public thing...he'll probably manage a bacon bun on the evening because he'll be drunk and it's less formal, but sit down stuff freaks him out. Not that it makes a massive amount of difference, but we're paying for it all ourselves, so its not like he's paid a lot of money and wont be able to eat there...

I can kinda understand if it makes him feel akward if its related to a nasty past memory...and i dont think you should resent him for it as your his daughter and he loves you. Hes probably just making "jokes" about it cause hes nervous. He probably doesnt mean to guilt trip you either. I know its hard to just ignore from someone so close but best advice i can give is to just ignore the trips and keep reassuring him.
Failing that, i dont see why the venue could come up with a few packets of crips for starters, bacon sandwiches for mains, and if hell try pudding then youve got the 3 courses :D
hope it helps, good luck chick.
x

missamy - Oh yeah, I totally understand, he has a very valid reason for being the way he is and I'm a bit of a faddy eater myself so I know about feeling awkward! :) It's just hard work and I can't really talk to him about the wedding stuff I'm doing because he gets stressed. I don't think the guilt trips are intentional, he's just not very good at communicating, and very stubborn about what he will and won't do. I like your idea for the alternative three courses though! :)

NHR115 - That's good of them, guess it must be something they come up against fairly often then...

xx

we have similar issues with groom. The venue is understanding provided they come from the top table and will give members of the top table a diff meal if they have too and as long as we dont over complicate it. Speak to the venue nicely.

Hi first off. Second JOKE or no JOKE that is nothing nice in the treath that he is going to split you up or cut your dress up. Thired ask the venue is he can have bacon chips and a veg as his main he can pick or just leave his other food. My dad is fussy so why are having a buffet for that reason