I love my in laws dearly but this weekend once again I feel Rich and I have just been cast out. Due to illness my mil is wheelchair bound (and has been for the past 18 months) after being a very active woman all her life. Her family are and always have been her life. We had arranged a full weekend of stuff we both like to do and dinner at our friends house, then on Wednesday we were informed h2b's sister, hubby and 2 kids were coming up for the weekend. The live about 250 and we haven't seen them since August. So we changed out plans to suite them including the time we went to my best friends for dinner and the time we left - my best friend was so understanding about this - I refused to cancel fully as I knew she had already bought all the food in and had it all planned.
My Dad had very kindly said that he and Mum were putting on fireworks for my little cousins as it was their weekend to have them and if we wanted R's family could come over instead of going to the local event which tbh is not the best place to go. They accepted and I arranged it all for 7pm.
Yesterday we went over in the morning (as I had a very rare Saturday off work that i had to beg to get off) I had to go to the opticians and after I got out R met me in town, where he told me that because his parents wanted a takeaway at 7pm his sister etc wouldn't be able to come to my parents for the fire works. It wouldn't have been so bad but the only person out of their family to have met my parents is R's Dad due to my parents offering to take us home from the hospital which is 15 miles away from our home when mil was in hospital.
I feel so upset and let down I'm trying so hard to make an effort I've been with R nearly 3 years and we've lived together for a year. When I tried to discuss the Wedding it all got turned around to SiL wedding and how wonderful it was and how red was the perfect colour not the purple we've chosen as a staple colour and how the niece had to wear pink ( we had already decided on this but I don't like being told it will happen no matter what), how R should wear a tail coat that he really doesn't want to wear (he's a jeans and T shirt boy) and I just thought oh here we go!There are other things that have been said and done like they promised to pay our first few months rent when we moved in together and it never happened, yet his sister always gets given money etc, his brother lives in Australia and his wife is the black sheep his mum and sister do not like her at all and fil keeps his opinions to himself. As they moved there 3 months prior to me meeting R i've never met them but from the photos i've seen they look so happy and in love I wonder if she is really a horrid woman or a misunderstood one.
I have to go over this morning and be polite and act as if nothing has happened then leave so they can have their Sunday Lunch together, once again we're not invited.
On a positive note, we had a lovely night at my parents and they really made a fuss of us, I wish I didn't feel like this as I do love my in laws I won't say they are not there for us because they are when R's bank account was hijacked whilst he was away my fil went to the bank and put money in our account in order for us to survive with him away taking from it and for the rest of the month - we still had bills to pay and i didn't have enough money left to cover all our transport, bills, food etc. I just feel tossed aside and really hurt that due to a takeaway which could have been bought and eaten earlier I have been made to look like a fool and for other people to go out of their way for nothing. Also that the closer our Wedding gets are they really going to be that bothered?? I understand its 19 months away but I need to work out how much things are going to cost, so is it really that much to ask what people like??

Oh hun, didn't want to read this and not say anything. Sounds like the consideration that is being given is only going one way and there is a level of selfishness going on in this situation. Can completely understand why you are feeling this way. Big squishees to you (not much help I know)

sweetie ...i know how you feel ....Mr lala parents and sisters live about 2omins y car from us but the only time we see them is if we go over there....mr lala has been working overseas alot in the last few years but never once have i had an offer to take me shopping ( i dont drive ) he is due to leave for Africa on tues and unless he can get a flight home over christmas i wont see him till next march ....would i be invited over for christmas day ? would i hell

This is a difficult subject to address.. but if they are blatantly concentrating on them, then perhaps thats what you should do.. you have made an effort with them, so continue to be nice to them but just enjoy your time with your h2b and enjoy your wedding :)

My mum has a thing about my wedding in that she kind of refuses to acknowledge that its happening. However I've now just given up worrying about that fact.. I update her with what is happening and will ask her questions etc but if she wants to ignore it then she can! :) Sorry if thats not much help!

Sunday wasn't fun but I decided just to leave it as I'm too tired. Rich took me wedding shopping & we had loads of fun thanks for your advise I appreciate it xxx