I really feel for your situation, but I don't see what business it is of anyone else's other than you and your fiance, as to who you invite. (regardless if family are contributing financially). My Mum tried sticking her beak in, but I quickly nipped that in the bud. Giving me a bit of money is not an investment to have a say in my day. I was very firm with this from the start, and it stopped any of that nonsense from escalating.

Hi Victoria, I cam totally understand your situation as I too have and currently am going through something very similar. So similar I could have written what you have. I have been told who to invite and also been told that people have been invited on my behalf. When I question it I am told it is family and I would cause major rifts if I didn't invite all these extra people. One of these people being an uncle who I haven't seen or spoken to in almost 13 years!!! I have had to take friends out of my wedding to add these extra guests that I had no intention of inviting as to be honest I don't really know them. I have been guilt tripped quite a lot already over not inviting people and in the end I have folded and give in because I don't want to be the cause of major rifts, it is awful to be honest and I can't give you advice on what to do as like I said I gave in!!! I actually feel like all I am doing is trying to please everyone else when the day should be about me and my oh. Sometimes I do think it would have been easier to go abroad. I have another 15 months as well before I get married so you can imagine!! I will be bald through ripping my hair out by time the wedding comes round.

All I keep thinking is when the day comes it will hopefully have been worth all the stress!! Xxx

Mrs lee it's horrid isn't it! I feel exactly that! I just don't know what to do for the best I still have invitations sat on my bookshelf and it's only 3 and half months to our wedding non have been sent out I just feel like saying get lost to it all and locking myself in a room for rest of my life lol xx

Aww!! You will be alright Victoria, I still have a long time before the actual invites go out so i am sure more things will change with my guest list courtesy of my lovely family. The only thing I would say is that as long as the most important people to you are still there then that is all that matters and you will still have a fab day because you will be married to the man you love. I am trying to shut it all out as its putting a black cloud over what should be the happiest day of my life. Xxx

Awww Amy I'm sorry that you've caved in! I think I too may be caving in, I already had an ear full because I weren't inviting any children other than my own,I can't justify paying £69 for a little person! Especially when some of my friends have 2-3 children each we really could go on forever!
I think I'll end up caving in to the uncle thing but not the great uncle I'm going to have to have something to say about it,this isn't my mother that's causing the bother it's my nan, who in all fairness was pretty much like my mother growing up and it's so hard because I love her and respect her so much and have never once said a bad word to her,but she's old school,we've had crossed ideas at a lot of avenues,I must wear a veil I must have a tiara I must wear traditional wedding shoes I have to invite children I have to give a buttonhole to EVERY member of my family!! I mean really? Does anyone even do that? I must have a first dance, got to sit certain ways with seating plan tradition tradition tradition etiquette etiquette etiquette blah blah blah. I'm in a black hole being sucked down. Worst thing is if I do cave in I will end up cashing tension at the actual wedding because do not expect me to be all nicey nicely to these people I don't want there I will probably end up being blunt and rude I have no interest on speaking and putting on a false Prasad just because it's my wedding day, can't be bothered with me before I can't be bothered with you!
Come on ladies who thinks we should all grow a backbone and cause some family rifts? Lol xx

We made rules and if anyone questions why so and so isnt invited I explained the rules. I was very strict. Aunties and uncles all got invited (even though I kniw some will decline) cousins if I have spoken to the socially in the last 12 months got a.day invite, if not a night time and friends who we regularly socialise with got day invites. Work friends etc got night invitations.

As for plus ones if it is a long term relationship and we had met them, invited. If notthen no invite (this has been tested the most!). Kids of wedding party and siblings only as they are expensive (although we get 3-12yr olds at half price).

I think you should explain they day is about both of you and that some aspects may be untraditional (to her) . My gran and mum seemee to except it. Fingers crossed for you!

I would say from my pount if view, I don't care if they are upset,I don't even know them. If they cared they would of talked and been involved in my life before now. The end! Invite who you want. Your paying, your day , your decision!

sounds like a similar suitation to us. we had a package for 60 people. invited all of my aunties and uncles except for one that i have seen for about 15 years and hasnt bothered with us. my mom always keeps in touch with him and sends them cards etc but they never bother with us. my mom kicked off cus i only had him on the evening list for wedding and said that it wasnt fair. i said i havent got the money to invite them at £75 a head so she said that she would pay. and problem was solved.

just stick to your guns and say no. they will only start making more demands from you otherwise. i gave in cus i didnt want to fall out with my mom again and just wanted the easy life. turns out my uncle is really looking forward to coming and seeing us all. i suppose it will be nice to see them and they are making the effort to travel quite far come up and stay in the hotel so i suppose theres that side of the story to think about too x

We're doing exactly what u had planned ... Ours isn't intimate however we are inviting family who we've seen in the last 6months,then friends in the last 6 months then if we have spaces left over we'll then think of who to add or just leave it at that! We both have large families so have said no chance to ppl we're supposed to invite! I think it's cheeky that anyone would even suggest that tbh!xx

This is an issue very close to my own heart! I wanted a small and intimate wedding, and our day guest list has ended up at 150 people!! Evening just over 200!! I was only inviting close friends and family to begin with which came to 35 people, my h2b is Greek and said that all (yes ALL) of his family had to be there, even if that meant sacrificing my guests. Problem is, his parents and mine are contributing the same amount to the wedding. My parents were happy to let me invite who I wanted until this happened! I've now ended up with 50 guests (as parents wanted me to have more!), and he has 100 (2 thirds of which I have never met even though I have been with h2b for SIX years and half of which he didn't know their last names or addresses!!!). There are still some family members he has had to cut out and there has been rifts from his side about this happening. I had put my foot down and told his family they had 50 guests only, then they got him on his own and he caved and said that we would be inviting everyone! I am in the mindset that so much will be going on during the day I wont even notice that his guests are there and have told his parents that if they want them there they will have to pay for them (which they are doing now)! They will be sat at the back tables and I wont speak to them unless I really have to, I will be concentrating on the guests that I really wanted there! I wished I hadn't have just given up and wasn't inviting all these people but the stress from it all was making me ill and completely draining me. I want to say to you stick to your guns and put your foot down but feel that would be a little hypercritical of me! But I hope that you can come to a conclusion that will make everyone happy (p.s. sorry for the mini rant there! lol) xxx

Oh my god linzi I bet that's cost a bomb!!
Well I've put down evening for my uncle who I've never met and if no one likes it then tough,I feel the same about not wanting to talk to them but this is due to fact that I despise having to invite people I don't want to lol bit childish but it's my party and I'll cry if I want to haha !
It's not the money I'm bothered about it's the fact I only want nearest and dearest there.
Oh well I've done it now just gotta wait for the come backs give me a few days and I'll be crying again in my kitchen when rsvps come back lol xx

Claire I like your style lol I only have 7 weeks to go now and I stuck to my guns so glad I did as I'm actually excited where as if I would've let every tom dick and harry come and not want them there I wouldn't be looking forward to it, when it's your own cash and hard work paying for the day you can do what the hell you want! X