It's rubbish when it becomes about other people isnt it :(

We're getting married in a RC Church and I'm not even christened. H2b is catholic, our son is baptised and h2bs parents - although quite liberal with it - are still very religious and their belief is deep. I know for h2b it's important for him for our wedding to be recognised in the eyes of the church for things related to our son as he grows up - first communion etc. We were thinking of having a civil ceremony then getting a blessing after but from what I read it's not a simple as getting a blessing. Also I think mil2b would go into meltdown if we were to tell her that her beloved baby boy wasnt getting married in a chapel lol I'm for it because I think it's traditional, I know it's what h2b really wants, and we'll be bringing our son up Catholic (although h2b will be doing the church thang) so makes sense to do it like that, despite all the rubbish we've had trying to arrange it x

Madhen a canon called me a heathen when we went to see him! Seriously go to see a few as they're all completely different. There was the a$$ who not only called me a heathen but told me my son didnt matter in our wedding, asked if my mil2b knew h2b was living in sin and then told me I was 'actually quite polite' as if he was surprised that I could be polite when I hadnt been baptised. Finally he put pressure on me to convert if it was getting married in his church. It really put me off it but we arranged to visit the priest in my home town who welcomed us with open arms (the way you'd think a man of the cloth should). He didnt mind that I wasnt baptised, was interested in our son, put it to us that there was no issue but we couldnt have full mass so maximum 45min service and finally - and the thing that swung it for me - told me that there's no need for me to convert if I didnt want to, as long as I'm happy to support h2b with his decision to attend chapel etc we dont even need to go to the chapel we're getting married in before it, although that's only because we stay 30 miles from it. He was clear that we do have to do the preparation course together before it but put absolutely no pressure on me at all and was just happy that I wasnt trying to force h2b to get married outwith the church. Dont get me wrong we've had a few issues with booking etc but they're ironed out and had nothing at all to do with me being catholic or not. I think he's how a priest should be x

We're not really religious - but I was brought up Roman Catholic and husband was CoE. We had the choice of either registrar or minister for our wedding - and decided on minister as it felt more 'real' in a way (and we thought the civil ceremony was quite short and to the point compared to a religious one). However, we didn't want a straight laced, by the book minister. We finished up having a pastor from the Assemblies of God church (booked for us through the wedding bureau after we told them our views) and he was great. He was very modern, down to earth and definitely didn't even wear a dog collar which suited us - but we still got our religious ceremony.

I am catholic but not overly religious. I don't practise, it is not very important to me but I am not an atheist. H2b is christened CoE but closer to an atheist. Well he is not but he does not agree with the institution of church. At first we were going to get married in Austria where I am from - in a catholic church because I wanted my priest from school to do the wedding. First of all for personal reasons as I have known him half of my life and also for the practical reasons that he could have held the wedding bilingual without a problem. The catholics are very complicated when it comes to marriages of two different confessions. It meant a lot of paper work but he would have helped. H2bs condition was that our child will not be christened catholic - which is a 'must' when you get married in a catholic church. We already have a child and I had talked to said priest and he was quite liberal with this - as long as the child is christened in any christian belief he was fine with it. He was also very cooperative in shortening the 'marriage classes' which normally take a few weeks - he would have done this in an afternoon or two with us as we were coming from abroad.

But for various reasons we postponed the wedding for two years and we are now getting married in England. The personal note was far more important than the actual religious meaning so we decided we rather go for a civil ceremony and find a venue where we can get married and celebrate.

Maybe one day we'll have a blessing but it's not the most important thing to me.

Morning all - ok, I'm going to come at this from a bit of a different angle - regardless about whether you want to keep family members happy, you need to think about if you really want a church wedding. If it is important to your H2B you need to ask him why this is important - personally I'm keen to get married in church, with the key difference between that and a civil ceremony being that you actually acknowledge that you are making your solemn promises to each other 'in the sight of God' - this I believe makes the promise so public that it's almost a declaration of your oath to stick by each other (and it recognises that the two of you were actually brought together for a purpose). H2B is an atheist (doesn't believe) but we met with the vicar to discuss this as we were concerned H2B might feel either pressured or hypocritical in the Christian service - but he suggested he read through the marriage service which you can find on the CofE website, and at no point do the vows you actually say commit you to saying you follow the Christian faith - H2B is happy to proceed now and knows that he can still mean his marriage vows through and through, and I will be more than happy to have a church wedding because of what it means to me and my faith.

I agree with the earlier comments that there is no real point in having a blessing if it means so little to you, as what is the point of asking for other worldly strength and power to support you both through your married life if you don't believe it's there in the first place? If I were in your shoes, I would take a look at the marriage service content, then make an appointment with the vicar to discuss the Christian values of marriage - if you support them, then consider a church wedding. If you're more interested in the bit of paper that makes you officially married, then maybe a civil service is for you - but make sure both you and your H2B are in agreement - this is the start of how you mean to go on as a married couple!

Sorry if this sounds like a lecture it's not supposed to be, just telling it how I see it :-)

jill i can't believe you were called a heathen!!!

thanks so much for everyone's opinions, they've been really really helpful. i think i know myself that i would feel a bit wrong getting married in a church because, as you guys say, i don't believe the marriage needs to be performed in the sight of God or with a blessing from God or anything like that. I think it's a toss up between two things - would I feel worse if h2b didn't get his church ceremony, or would i feel worse standing in a church on the day feeling like a big fat hypocrite...hmm, think i know the answer!

My nan tried to force us into being married in a church. It smacked of insincerity because neither of us are religious in the slightest and to pretend we were would be disrespectful in my eyes toward people that religion is important to. If it was up to her I'd have been married last year because she was rushing me and trying to bribe me otherwise we would "be living in sin" because I was pregnant.

I can see why if one of you is religious it would be nice to marry in the church / perform certain blessings out of respect for one another, but most definitely not to please extended family.

i am religous, i dont go to church and not a deep beliver but have alwasy been brought up around the church and have connections with the church. my partner is as he likes to call it a darwinist- he does not belive at all...for this very reason we are getting married in a registry office- at the end of the day i am marrying my rob, not god, god will not shout at me or tell me off and as much as i would love a church wedding, this is a 2 way partnership i have had my way with absolulty everything else and this is the one thing that my partner really just couldnt do...for that reason i am marrying the man i love somewere- were at the end of the day we will both be married and live as man and wife for the rest of lives :)

i wanted to throw in another opnion there- yes the church pics are lovely and yes 'in the eyes of god' you get married..but hey if gods really up there hes gonna know your getting married and hopefully hell be even prouder that you did it because of the love you have for your partners belivef. not just your own :)

:)

Thanks for that opinion, but even though he is with me all the time, I feel it's respect for God too that I get married in His house, and make my marriage promises in His name, in front of all the people we care about as witness - by believing that everything is part of a much wider plan, I believe that H2B and I were pre-picked out for each other and I want to show my appreciation. Each to their own tho eh!