I asked my oldest friend (around 24 years) to be my bridesmaid when I got engaged a few months ago. She said yes which was brilliant. The problem I'm having now is as she lives in France/Switzerland, I have to send the dress over to her. Lucky for me, I found a great dress that was on sale with free delivery. I asked her if she or her parents would be around to collect the dress and if she'd have time to try it on and send it back if it didn't fit.
It's been 2 months and she's just turned around and told me that no one was home when the package was delivered and has no idea where it is. The day she told me it was fine to send the dresses over, she neglected to tell me she and her parents were going on holiday and after telling me she wouldn't be able to come to the UK until the wedding day, she's taken a 4 day holiday with a friend to London. I only found out on facebook and even then, she refused to go try the dress on in the shop and meet me to try it on together (found them in high street shops). She has a habit of being jealous of people and has to be the first to do everything and I'm worried she will someone ruin the day.
My partner and I are thinking of cutting her out of the wedding party and just having his younger sisters (will be 13 and 14) but I have no idea how to tell her that we only want 2 bridesmaids rather than 3. Any suggestions?
CommentAuthorInDreamland
Just be honest, say that you need a BM to be around hun throughout the wedding planning period and in the run up to the big day as you need the support and it's something she just cannot do. TBH, sounds like she just wants to turn up on the day, look pretty without having earned it. Good luck xx
Married the love of my life on Saturday 11th May 2013 xxx
Had our dream perfect honeymoon in Hawaii!
CommentAuthorValentinaK
Does sound like she wants the title without the work... she's not being much of a friend right now... cut your losses and find someone more reliable now!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthoralmost a year wife!!
Id cut her.... She obvs can't be ar$ed...
Ill marry my hero
CommentAuthorangel830609
I'd tell her straight, if she can't be bothered to even try the dress on, and lies to you about not coming to the uk, why should you worry about her feeling's about cutting her as a bm? she's obviously not bothered about your feelings! Sorry if that seemed blunt hun xx
it's been a long hard road, but hopefully we're getting
somewhere :) xx
agree with above, she does not sound like a very good friend
Met June 2009 on my Birthday,Met again July 2009 and got
together, May 2010 Moved in,Jan 2011 got pregnant,
August 2011 Got our own place, 2011 Had our Baby Girl,
Dec 2011 Got engaged, July 2015 Getting married! Yay!
CommentAuthorValentinaK
I agree furthermore with the subsequent comments... it seems your friends because you've just not yet fallen out... not that you have very special ties and are inseperable... it seems to be work on all your part and she is being very selfish... as a best friend, this is one of the most important things that can happen in your friends' life that you share iwth them... and she should be excited and making more effort than she is as a friend, let alone a bridesmaid. She's taking you for a ride.
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorAna40
I'd let her know that your feeling disappointed, you can see what her reaction is and decide how to go from there. X
CommentAuthorValentinaK
Ana40...you are so rational and level headed...good point!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorSaraD48
i would express my feelings and see what she says..maybe she hasnt thought of it the way you have but really a real friend would think.
CommentAuthormistaken4u
Thanks guys, I'll message her tomorrow and see what she says. My mum thinks I should fire her based on the evidence that she really can't be bothered. She refuses to give me info regarding the 'returned' package which means I probably won't get a refund. Luckily her dress was on sale and at £34 instead of £125. I'll let you know how it goes!
CommentAuthor*The NewMrsMalin*
I agree with everyone; just be honest and tell her that as she is unwilling to commit to her job as a bridesmaid; you can't keep her as one.
Met in 2009
Got together on12th May 2011, proposed on the 12th May 2013
When you get knocked down; smile and pick yourself up again!
Fight for what you believe in!
CommentAuthorRennie1989
I'd not only cut her and replace her with another friend but I would charge her for the dress. I know deliveries go missing now and then but she did neglect to tell you she never received the dress and also doesn't know where it is, that's disgraceful.
CommentAuthorBeckyU98
sounds like not a very good friend. just tell her that you cant afford for any more dresses to go missing in the post and that you need someone to be here occaisionally for fittings etc and that if she cant be then its not going to work out her being bridesmaid. it doesnt really sound like she wants to be bridesmaid anyway x
CommentAuthormistaken4u
Quick update, luckily (in one way) I've just lost my job so have told her that I can't afford to have her as a bridesmaid. That makes it a lot easier, now to find a new job fast to pay the rest of the rest. Thanks for all the messages, it's a shame to cut her out but either way, I wasn't really given a choice.
CommentAuthorRennie1989
I'm so sorry to hear about your job! I wish you the best of luck in finding a new one x
CommentAuthorangel830609
sorry you've lost your job hun but glad you've managed to sort the issue xx
it's been a long hard road, but hopefully we're getting
somewhere :) xx
CommentAuthorsarah
At least it's sorted now. I hope you find a new job soon :)
CommentAuthorLauraT41
I had to cut one of my bridesmaids from our wedding for similar reasons, couldn't be bothered to show up for dress fittings, my engagement party or make any effort at all - I was totally honest with her and just said that I didn't feel it was working out and that I thought it best for everyone if she came and celebrated with us as a guest 0 she understood and actually acknowledged the issues where from her side, I admit it was a hard conversation to have I was shaking lol but she took it well and I hope your friend understands too - good luck xx
CommentAuthor*Vixie*
I had almost the same sort of issue the first time I got married. The friend who was supposed to be my maid of honour, disappeared for months and i couldn't get hold of her at all so I assumed that she didn't want to do it anymore but then she turned up uninvited to the second dress fitting and tried to start a fight with me in front of my then, two year old son. Needless to say, I cut her from the wedding and we haven't spoken at all since. Joys of b*tchy bridesmaids(!) xx
CommentAuthormistaken4u
Vixie - Sorry to hear that you haven't spoken to your friend since but that is definitely not a way to behave.
Luckily, I spoke to my friend and she's agreed to step down and be my witness instead but might have a backup one just in case. Still don't have a job though but it gives me time to finish the planning and spend time with my cat :)
CommentAuthorValentinaK
It wasn't meant to be!
And we lived happily ever after!
CommentAuthorCatherineR
I would say that sounds like the best thing that could have happened because it sounds like it would have been constant stress and you not enjoying your day if you had kept her as BM!! Now, you have her there and she can still be involved.. Well done on sorting a tricky problem! :) xx
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
CommentAuthormistaken4u
Good news on the dress front, the warehouse found it and have processed my refund which has made me very happy that I can put this issue behind me.
CommentAuthorsarah
Yay!
CommentAuthornathswifey87
I have jus cut a bridesmaid...she has been my friend for 13 years but has become very jealous recently. Her partner is 25years older has 2kids and doesnt want anymore, he treats her like s**t and she stays with him cos she doesnt want to be on her own...since I askes her to be bridesmaid she has been a nightmare tryin to put me off gettin married and generally bein unpleasant....I have decided I dont want her in the wedsing as its goin to be the happiest day of my life and I want people who will be happy for us to be there not negative jealous people!
CommentAuthorCatherineR
Good for you, you need positivity not negativity :) you don't want to be upset on your wedding day!!
Married my wife on 15.08.15
Honeymooned on the Isles of Scilly :)
