Oh I can tell the best man is going to cause me and H2B issues. lol. Grab a cuppa girls because this is a long story. lol.
Neil's best friend Gary was always going to be his best man and Neil wanted to ask him face to face (rather than over the phone or Facebook) over a drink when we were down in Devon. We had all arranged a wee get together in a nice pub down Torquay harbour and Neil was all set to ask Gary the big question and text him to confirm where we were meeting. Gary messaged Neil to say he didn't want to go all the way down to the harbour, which is around a 15 minute walk, and made every excuse to meet at a place close to his house so he didn't have to go far. Neil was a bit mad with this as he saw it as Gary not making an effort. We text him back to try and sort something out and it just so happened, for some unknown reason, he didn't get the text for two hours! Neil was really upset and I could tell he was hurt by his lack of effort. To let you all understand, Gary would normally have walked on hot coals for Neil, he even cried when Neil left Devon to live with me in Scotland but it seems his Fiancee is kind of controlling him. I get on with his Fiancee but I can't help thinking she is the one who wears the trousers in the relationship and she may cause the end of Neil and Gary's relationship. Gary apologised for the muck up and Neil and him were getting on like normal but it all went t*ts up again after we invited them to our engagement party. Gary said he may not be able to afford it and would let us know asap, which was fair enough and I totally understand, but when we got home Gary had posted on Facebook that he was booking a holiday. Neil messaged him saying he was really unhappy that he had to find out on FB. I know Neil wants Gary as his best man but he is totally worried about his commitment. I said he has a while before he has to make a definite choice ao let's just hope he (Gary) bucks up his ideas before he loses his best friend forever :( I am actually really sad for Neil as he doesn't have many close friends and it seems the only real best friend he has doesn't care anymore :(
Rant over girlies, I'm sure it'll all sort itself out. xxx
CommentAuthorsbride
hhhmmmmm, this is a tough one. If your H2B means that much to him Im sure he will put in the effort hun. I know what your saying though. H2B's best man is his brother and his bloody useless, and i really feel for H2B but he said if he cant have his brother as best man, he wont have one. So Im just letting him get on with it.
I am now Mrs Stacey Stiles and loving it!
CommentAuthorNHR115
I've told him I'll stand by his decision but I know deep down he wants Gary to prove himself over the next few months because after all he is meant to be his best friend. I have a lot of time for Gary but can't help disliking him a lot right now for the way he is treating Neil. xxx
CommentAuthorgrumpyoldmoo
Hun please don't take this wrong BUT ... Do you think Gary would possibly have made more of an effort if he knew Neil was going to ask such an important question? At the end of the day, your man finding out about his mates holiday the way he did has got to be the worst feeling :( especially after his mate saying he couldn't afford to come to your engagement party (which would be a darn sight cheaper to go to than on holiday!) I truly hope this sorts itself out xx
CommentAuthorNHR115
Gary knew right away he would be Neil's BM. When we got engaged he phoned Neil constantly and we knew he was looking for Neil to ask the big question but as I said Neil wanted to ask him face to face. He also said he would make sure Neil has the best stag do ever because after all it was his duty. Neil also put a totally unrelated FB status (FB has a lot to answer for) saying something like his decision had been made (it was to do with something else but occurred around the same time as the problems started) and Gary sent him a rather blunt text saying if Neil wanted him (Gary) to be his best man then he would have asked him right away (Gary asked Neil to be his BM before he had even proposed). Neil told him the status had nothing to do with that and nothing more has really been said. I do see what you mean though Moo. Gary has been texting Neil so they haven't totally fallen out and I am praying to God they get the friendship back that they had. It just shows that men are worse than women sometimes. lol. xxx
Ahhh ok babe I see! It sheds a totally different perspective onto it now :( Honestly babe it sounds like Gary seems to be feeling guilty in his own wee way, to assume that Neil's status was indirectly aimed at him spells guilt to me, and went all out to defend himself. Maybe you have completely hit the nail on the head regarding the fiancee having him under the thumb, which is sad if correct :( I don't know what Neil could do to make things better between them, maybe send a wee email letting Gary know how he feels and that he is feeling a bit bewildered/upset/concerned with Gary's change in personality? I totally agree that they can be worse than us women at times tho lol Keep your chin up babe, if their friendship is strong they will work this through.The main thing is, you are there for Neil and that's most important! xxx
CommentAuthorPossum
*hugs* I don't have a better suggestion than the ones above, sorry! xxx
CommentAuthordebs x
I think you should give it a bit more time, maybe he though he wasnt going to get asked after all, men are strange things and they have a totally different way of looking at things then we do - hope it all gets sorted though hon x
CommentAuthorNHR115
Thanks Moo and Possum :)
To let you understand Neil is stubborn as a mule but only this morning he messaged Gary in a general chit chatty way. Neil also has a very long memory so it will take a while for him to completely forgive Gary.
Men are very strange Debs, lol. I said to him to give it time. I think we ladies worry about the wedding so much that we forget how important the best man is to our H2B. I never thought it as a problem as I always assumed Gary would be the best man until now. We'll see how the next 6 months pans out and whether or not he makes an effort to meet us when we're down in Devon for Christmas. xxx
CommentAuthorKerrylou
It sounds to me like there's been some miscommunication between them - I can understand Neil's upset at Gary's 'lack of effort' while you were in Devon but maybe because Gary already knew he was first choice for BM he maybe thought the formality was 'unnecessary' Another suppostion would be that Gary's OH has said something in passing like "Well if he wanted you to do it he'd have already asked you" this would also cause some hurt feelings (not saying that happened, just a supposition) I think the holiday thing was a bit bang out of order, but again, if Gary was already upset then maybe he didn't think it through too well. Whatever happened, Neil and Gary do need to have a proper talk, sooner rather than later, even if it's over the phone. By the sounds of it they've always been tight up until now and it seems daft to me (but men are daft lol) that neither of them have said "Hey, what's going on?" and tried to sort it out. Another factor could well be that since Neil moved to Scotland Gary kinda feels pushed out and/or removed from Neil's life, and then life does tend to get in the way, if they're not on each other's doorstep anymore that might not help either. Without knowing either of them it's difficult to say what's going on with them both.
You've still got a little while to go before anything needs to be finalised and hopefully one or both of them will come to their senses and stop being silly beggars. Would it be worth you having a chat with Gary - sometimes it takes another person to get the ball rolling. Something like a Facebook message/email/text asking why all this is happening from his point of view (just be prepared for things you may not agree with/not want to hear)
Beyond that I'm not sure what to suggest but I do hope it gets sorted out, a good friendship is hard to find xxx
It's right what they say
"The course of true love never runs smoothly"
But if it had been easy then we wouldn't love each other as
much as we do right now - 1 week to go :D
CommentAuthorNHR115
Maybe you're right hun, I just don't know what's going on to be honest. lol. As I said before Gary would walk over hot coals for Neil and was always going to come up and visit us in between our visits down South but when he got with his OH things just changed. I like his OH a lot but I think she can be a bit controlling and Gary is very naive and easily led (bless him) and for some reason he has changed a lot, I suppose we all have to be honest. It seems that Gary doesn't see a lot of his friends anymore but as you say life does get in the way and you end up in your own little routine.
I'm sure it will sort itself out in the end. I am a bit worried about Gary's commitment (how do we go about fittings and rehearsals etc) but I would love him to be Neil's best man. At the very least I'd want him and his OH to share our day with us because after all they are a part of Neil's life. I suppose it is one thing that they are talking and don't actually hate each other. lol.
